On a daily basis I receive the same question from my audience: How can I be good at conversation? Indeed, not all people have a natural ability to speak easily and confidently so others want to listen to them and believe them. Some people find it easy but others are daunted by it and often just do not know how to make a conversation flow. Nevertheless, there are certain techniques we can use in order to master the art of conversation.
When meeting a person ( you know) smile and initiate a conversation by saying something neutral or pleasant. For example: “Hello, good to see you.” What matters more is not what you say, but how you say it. Use friendly intonation and an upbeat tone of voice.
Choose a topic of conversation that is interesting not only for you but also for the person you are talking to.
Ask open-ended questions and let the other person open up and talk more. For example: What do you think of this class?
Speak clearly in a concise way with pauses; avoid rushed speech; project your voice, and articulate well.
Listen first, do not interrupt, wait for a tiny pause, and connect with what was said. Add your own thoughts by saying for example: ”I agree, this is what happened to me that confirms your point…” The best conversationalists are not those who speak a lot, but those who are good listeners.
Speak in an interesting way so others listen to you. I believe, that the basis of an interesting speech is an interesting personality. A personality who has a purpose and passion in life, a curious and open-minded person who is eager to learn about the world. Such people love self-education and never stop learning. I think we can all agree that a closed person with limited interests and an uneventful life can hardly become a fascinating conversationalist. Such people usually talk about trivial things (eg. what they ate for breakfast, lunch or dinner. etc.)
Do not complain. When we feel frustrated we might want to unload our frustration and talk about it to others which is ok. But some people complain all the time and they suck you into this depressing conversation so that after a while you feel low yourself. It is good to share, but some people think that sharing the worst experiences, complaining and whining is the key to a meaningful conversation. What would be better is to concentrate on the positive and share it with others.
Do not bulk yourself up at the expense of others. Sophisticated people may interpret the desire to dominate a conversation and prove to be better than others as a lack of self-esteem. When we domineer others we receive pleasurable hormones which are addictive. This feature, however, does not contribute to a pleasant flow of conversation. Do not make others feel small, make them feel big and that will make you a bigger person.
Modulate your voice. Avoid speaking in a monotonous way and sounding like a robot. I have noticed that not all people know or want to express their emotions. I agree that we have to control some of our emotions (eg, anger, hatred, disgust) to be civil, but I do not agree with the popular opinion that not showing emotions at all is a tremendous strength. As a result, we have some people who are too cool to be happy.
Actors use voice modulation and changes in inflections to show different emotions which they master in drama schools. You can master it too with a book, apps, and a video course:
The book: Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level,
Apps: Fluent English Speech, 4Ps, Power,Pitch,Pace,Pause,
Video course: Get Rid of your Accent Part Two
More on www.batcsglobal.com