185. How do I start really loving myself?

The most important masterpiece you can create in life is yourself. Therefore to love yourself means developing your talents and abilities, mastering your body, mind and soul.

Loving yourself is not feeling sorry for yourself but smiling despite what is happening around you. Smile even when people humiliate you, smile even when you do not have money, smile when you feel tired.

The most important resource you have is your optimistic energy and the belief that everything will be good sooner or later.

Love is making yourself strong. Exercise your body, do not let it become weak. Eat what is good for your body.

Exercise your brain by focusing and concentrating on one idea at a time and constant education.

Strengthen your spirit by praying, meditating and repeating positive affirmations. We love most of our life in our heads, make it a good place to be.

Love yourself by taking the time and listening to your inner feelings. Answer simple questions:
What do you really want?
How do you really feel?
What is bothering you?
What makes you feel good?

Do not rush yourself. Do not step on yourself and respect your feelings.

Say “NO” when it serves you.

Say “YES” to a happy life fool of joy!

Have a loving attitude towards ALL humans. Respect differences and try to understand others the same way you try to understand yourself. You can do it simply by listening to others with good intentions and attitude.

Have a plan for a day, a week, a month, a year and 100 years. What legacy would you like to leave after you die? For example, in the course of my life I would like to write and publish ten books (I have already written and published five books), help ten thousand people to master their speech, plant ten thousand trees, create ten businesses (I already have three).

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167. Self-Motivation

Advice #1
Fall in love!
Fall in love with another person! Psychologists suggest that we humans are run by our libido.
Fall in love with a country! Start learning a new foreign language in order to feel comfortable in this country.
Fall in love with yourself!

Advice #2
Make a list of things to do every day. Start with doing very simple things: make your bed, clean your shoes, etc. After you have done simple things praise and reward yourself with something nice. Have a beautiful “me” time.

Advice #3
Do a full health check-up and make sure your health is ok. If necessary see a psycho-therapist as you might be suffering from depression and a good doctor will give medicine that can help you increase your serotonin level for example.

Advice#4
Start doing sports outdoors on a regular basis. It can be a power walk, a run or a stretch. Look at the sun and receive sun energy.

Advice#5
Make a list of things that will happen to you if you do not do anything. Imagine this picture vividly.
After that make a long list of things that you like about this world and life in general and go on a sea holiday for 7 days.

Advice#6
Believe in yourself and that everything will be great. Pray!

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69. It is not the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog

By Olga Smith

In this blog post, I would like to talk about how can we reach our full potential by enhancing our willpower with simple practical steps. First of all, let’s define willpower. Willpower is the ability to exercise one’s will. I was asking myself a question: I have willpower, but why I am not an Olympic champion then? Why I was struggling with weight loss for many years and once I dropped a kilo or two I gained them back the next week?
I am a keen tennis player and I have noticed that most tennis players who compete have good technique, but why then the same four of them (Federer, Nadal, Djokovic, Murray) win Wimbledon year after year? I had dined with Madona, our famous pop Queen in London Kaballah centre and I have noticed that she is not that good looking, she does not have the most amazing voice, she does not come from a rich family, but she is a millionairess and I am better looking and come from a wealthy family and I do not even have one million yet???

I have researched the topic of willpower and I have also analysed my attempts to live to my full potential and what mistakes I was making with regards to willpower.

My findings:
1. Will power is energy. Self-control requires a lot of energy, it is psychological and physical energy.
2. To live to our full potential we need to set up new heights and new goals regularly. Little victories lead to sabotage. We tend to stop our efforts.
3. We are stronger than we think or feel we are.
4. Regularity, consistency and repetition are more important than anything thing else.
5. If we surround ourselves with people who are high achievers and have strong willpower, by mirroring them as we all do subconsciously because we have mirror neurons in our brain, we can learn how to be more strong-willed.
6. Relaxation and meditation free our energy and allow us to exercise more self-control.
7. There is no tomorrow, there is only here and now.

My mistakes or how I lose self-control:
1. I felt sorry for myself too quickly and the moment I felt discomfort I eased my effort.
2. Once I gained a little progress I was making two steps back thus sabotaging my success
3. I drunk alcohol
4. I didn’t sleep well
5. I had a bad diet
6. I wasted a lot of my energy on YouTube videos about Russian Politics and on drinking tea (I love tea a lot)
7. I was procrastinating the next time, the next day and so on.
8. I didn’t have an end goal in mind and was hanging out aimlessly
9. I was not careful who I surround myself with.
10. My attention was not always on my goals and objectives. I tended to waste a lot of my time on things that do not contribute to anything, such as shopping for clothes, talking too much on the phone, absorbing too much information. My idle mind became insatiable and wanted more and more information. When we develop a habit to absorb information without acting upon it our action habit weakens. In modern times, we are bombarded by information and it is easy to lose focus and therefore self-control. Information obesity almost always leads to inaction and as a result to weakening the will to do anything.
11. I did not plan properly

This was my past. From now on I will do simple regular steps.

Practical steps to enhance my willpower and to live up to my full potential:
1. Good sleep: get up before 9 am and go to bed before midnight.
2. Good food: organic, fresh, rich variety, minimum or no alcohol.
3. Start with one new habit a month, for example, I want to reduce my talking time by 50 %. 8. I create this new habit and make it my automatic behaviour.
4. Relax regularly, I stretch 3 times a day.
5. For mediation, I will read my prayers in the morning and evening and ask God to help me with my goals.
6. Do little steps that I do not like doing, for example, set 5-15 minutes for the task I do not want and do it.
7. To focus my attention on my objectives:
a) I write a list of tasks to do for a day and allow a certain amount of time to do each task.
b) I look in my list after completion of a task and cross it.
c) I switch off my phone when doing a task
d) I imagine the result of my task completion to feel motivated
e) When playing tennis I focus on the ball
f) When walking I focus on my posture and breathing
g)When eating I focus on chewing
h) When talking I focus on pauses and inflection
j) When running I focus on lifting my upper leg higher and feeling a little pain.

8. I create information, for example, high-quality content for blogs instead of absorbing information.

In my opinion, enhancing my will by making small yet regular efforts is achievable. The trick is to continue increasing the effort gradually and regularly. When I watch Rafa Nadal playing tennis I am full of admiration for his best effort for each stroke. I was a cheater and often my strategy was “just do it”, which resulted often in bodging and later re-doing. Since I started playing tennis I realised that each stroke needs my 100% effort. Now is the time for a new strategy “do your best in every step.”

In conclusion, I want to share with you my observation. I have always had a choice to feel sorry for myself and to not use my full potential OR to stretch my limits and live to my highest potential. Each choice has a consequence. If I give in I get weaker, if I stretch myself I get stronger.

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66. Manipulation

By Olga Smith
10 July 2020

Why people manipulate? To get what they want without giving anything else in return. I had experienced a hard-core manipulator, a narcissist. Just a snapshot of this story. I met this guy, Mister X, three years ago and he appeared as a prince whom I waited for all my life. He acted respectfully, said the right things and was hinting how he wants to have a family and that I am the first woman he wants children with. During our relationship I always failed drained of energy. He kept me in the unknown state. His words and actions were not coinciding. I also noticed that he was telling me humiliating things which would undermine my self-worth, but I just thought he was silly and was only joking. Finally Mister X told me that he is engaged to another woman, despite the fact that a week ago he had declared love towards me. Since that passed three months and Mister X contacted me again to tell that he is no longer engaged.

I studied manipulation in depth and realised that Mister X is a typical manipulator-hard. He used all the tricks that manipulators use.
I want to share with you the fundamentals of manipulator-hard and his victim's main feelings and emotions. What are the strategy, motives and main patterns of behaviour of a manipulator-hard?

Our facial expressions are memorised by our facial muscles and many people can read from your face about your character.

Manipulator's face has three domineering facial expressions:

- disgust
- contempt
- sorrow or sadness

Manipulator's domineering feelings:

- emotional pain
- revenge
- punishment

A victim of a manipulator's basic emotion is FEAR.
Because a manipulator keeps their victim in a state of uncertainty. If you find yourself in a state of uncertainty, you are being manipulated. This leads to emotional instability, lowers your self-esteem, prevents you from being calm and takes away your energy from yourself and your business. The state of uncertainty wears you down. During the Second World War, nazzies kept their concentration camp victims in a state of uncertainty and that made them easy to control, only two-three guards were able to control thousands of victims.

The main purpose of a manipulator-hard is to gain the victim's resources (eg: connections, money, free labour, usage of a car, food, etc) without giving their victim anything in return.

The manipulator's strategy has several stages.

Stage One: observe the victim, adjust to her, and act as a perfect partner
At the beginning of a relationship, manipulator-hard observes his victim so that he can adjust their behaviour to appear to their victim in order to appear as a perfect partner. It relaxes the victim. That's why when you meet “a perfect man”, remember, there are no perfect people, only perfect masks. It's the time you pay closer attention to that person and see if there are any discrepancies between what they say and do.

Stage Two: dangling a carrot

After studying their victim, a manipulator begins to dangle a carrot for their victim. Depending on what his victim wants, he will hint we will get married, I love you etc.

Stage three: diminish the victim

During this stage, manipulator-hard starts diminishing his victims and lowering their self-esteem. He may give negative compliments, such as you have beautiful eyes but your clothes don't suit you. Or he can start making jokes about your age, appearance etc.
He will promise to come and then come very late so that during the waiting time victim is in a state of worry, uncertainty, doubt.

"Needle"- Manipulator's hardcore trick

It's when a manipulator creates a situation when his victim feels very high emotions and then very low emotions in a very short period of time. My manipulator, Mister X kissed me and made love with me for 3 days, then one week later said that he got engaged with another woman.
When we experience strong dramatic emotions, our body memorises them and gets addicted to them. These dramatic ups and downs may be interpreted as "love", but it is only an adrenaline dependency.

Can I cure or change a manipulator?

The short answer is no. Manipulators never recognise that they manipulate and always blame victims. They use gas-lighting, etc.

If you have realised that you are with a manipulator, you face a choice: continue being a victim or start living your life without a manipulator.

If you continue being a victim of manipulation, this leads to health problems caused by the state of uncertainty, Adrenalin dependency, problems in business, very low self-esteem, and many others.

If you decide to separate yourself from a manipulator, remember, that he or she might want to come back to you only to bring more pain into your life. The best revenge for a manipulator is to be indifferent towards them. If a manipulator sees that you are successful - this is the best revenge.

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