187. Relationships where men use women as instruments

Relationships between men and women are fascinating. They are based on sex and money, psychological dependencies/peculiarities of partners, hormones and emotions, and so many other factors.

I will take one relationship between Abram and Sarah as an example.

Abram comes from a very rich Jewish family. He is a high achiever. He is married but his sexual appetite is rather high and he joins Tinder to fish for ladies who would not mind sex with a married man. He meets Sarah there. Sarah is single and financially unstable.

They meet once and have sex at Sarah’s place. Perhaps it can be the beginning of mutual fun and exchange of sex for money. But Abram is too sophisticated to do that. He is not planning to give her anything. Instead, he offers her £100 to watch him masturbate on a video call. He sees it as the most practical way to fix himself sexually and get rid of the pressure that comes with sexual frustration. Once, when Sarah feels particularly unstable financially and emotionally she agrees to watch him masturbate on a video call. After he riches orgasm he says “thank you” and puts the phone down. Sarah feels that Abram used her as an instrument. She feels disgusted and low. She never does it again despite Abram’s perpetual requests. Then Abram wants to see her for an hour or so to make it a practical sexual fix.

You might ask why Sarah continues communicating with Abram even though there are no obvious benefits for her. Well during all their communication, Abram tells her that he wants only her, how beautiful she is and many more compliments. All these compliments affect Sarah as powerful drugs. Like many girls who did not receive unconditional love in their childhood, Sarah craves compliments as approval, she feels loved when others think she is beautiful. The drug effect does not allow Sarah to see that Abram’s persistence of ten years and compliments is not a sign of his appreciation, it just demonstrates that Abram is very persistent in getting what he wants from Sarah: using her as an instrument to satisfy his sexual needs.

What about Abram, why does he use people as instruments? Surely, it is not the best way to experience sex. When a man cannot feel a woman it is just another form of masturbation, only instead of his hand he uses a female’s vagina.

I will not be surprised if Abram was used as an instrument to achieve his parent’s ambitions and his parent’s love depended on whether he was a “good boy” who performed. It is a typical problem in rich families where parents’ expectations create psychologically problematic kids.

What could improve the situation for Abram and Sarah?

Internal work. It is hard and will take years. Yet, it is worth it.

Both would heal if they could find support (that they did not receive as kids from their parents) by appreciating themselves. Feeling high or low should not depend on how others think you look or perform. Because this is a way to never feel good enough about yourself (Sarah) or feel you have done enough to feel good about yourself (Abram).

A healthy attitude is a total acceptance of themselves for who they are regardless of what others expect or think of them. Sarah would benefit greatly if she did not base her value and happiness on men's compliments and attention, and Abram if he stopped being an instrument for others and did not use people as instruments.

What tools can be used? I know a couple that helped my clients:

  1. The realisation that you are in this unhealthy situation

  2. Bodywork
    Our emotions are trapped in our body and finding where they’re trapped and feeling it to realise that it is not so scary to feel them

    If you want to work on your relationship email oriana_r@hotmail.com

164. Be in control and exude authority

Good barristers, politicians and business leaders sound confident, in control and have authority in their speech and voice. Can it be mastered? Yes, and I will explain how.

First of all, in order to achieve authority in your voice be in control of your breathing. Good breath control will bring energy to your voice.

Secondly, good articulation will help you sound clear, more energised and powerful. You can master it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 (British English) or ‎American Accent App (American English).‎

Thirdly, avoid sounding monotonous and saying everything on one level of pitch. Change the pitch, power and pace according to the emotion/meaning of a particular message. We can recommend the app 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you want to learn and practice this technique.

To achieve authority, speak in a straightforward way and stress the key messages. To make the keywords stand out use a louder or quieter voice (depending on the meaning). Raise the inflection when saying keywords and vice versa, use downward inflection with unstressed words. Learn more about inflecltion and sentence stress in the apps ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or Fluent American Speech (American English).

Finally, think about physicality and be well in control of your posture and gestures. Have a good straight posture and gestures that support your messages.

What is the best way to practice it? Listen to speakers like Winston Churchill. Watch courtroom dramas and note how effective barristers speak. Here is a practical exercise for you:

  1. Read a speech out loud and record yourself.

  2. Underline stresses keywords and mark pauses in the printed copy of the speech. You can learn how to do it right with the app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

  3. Read the speech again and record yourself. If necessary repeat this exercise a few times.

If you need help book a few elocution lessons.

More on www.batcsglobal.com

160. How can I defend myself if I am being roasted?

Deal with people who challenge you immediately. You might have people around you who cross your boundaries and act in a disrespectful way towards you. Do not bend, stick to your values. Challenge them back by saying immediately (not after 5 minutes, an hour, a day, or a week): ”I feel you do not respect me and I am not prepared to continue this way.”
Express your feelings without judging others. When I was a child, I was too shy to do that and felt like a victim who could not stand for her corner. Thanks to my father I developed the gear to confront people who cross my boundaries immediately.

If you have the courage to confront the bully immediately you will kill two birds with one stone: protect yourself and help the bully to stop. Bullies when not stopped go into the rush and get high on the domination drug.

People are very different. Some people have higher energetic levels and strong leadership skills and they know how to manipulate others. There are people who allow others to control and manipulate them. Why? There are secondary benefits of acting this way: if you allow others to control and manipulate you, you are not responsible, you can blame others for what happened to you and do nothing. This is the reason why victims often choose to be victims - they can do nothing and just put all the blame on the abuser. Then they have the masochistic pleasure of feeling pain and feeling sorry for themselves. Ask yourself a question: What are my secondary benefits for me if I do not deal with people who roast me? It could be keeping the status quo. You need to go deeper and ask why you need to keep this status. Maybe this status allows you to not challenge yourself and go the extra mile to defend your boundaries. A few sessions with a life coach might help you to discover your secondary benefits.

I recommend working on your confidence. Develop a straight posture and open body language. Master your speech, namely voice projection and articulation. It will help you to have authority and power in your voice and you will be perceived as a confident person. You can do it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

If you look and sound confident people will not attempt to roast you because bullies are looking for people who lack confidence and who cannot reply to them.

More on www.batcsglobal.com

150. Annoying speech patterns

  1. Going round in circles
    It is so annoying when a person says something and then repeats it again and again. It is rather tiring when someone cannot stop expressing one idea and keeps repeating it endlessly. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather stupid.

  2. Beating about the bush
    I know people who can speak for a long time and not really say much. Such speech lacks concreteness and sounds lightweight. My friend calls such speakers “cappuccino people”. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather shallow.

  3. Monotonous speech
    Monotonous speech is so boring. As a result, listeners switch off very quickly. It also makes a speaker sound rather dull. The monotonous speech also lacks emotion and the speaker may sound like a robot. Actors learn how to modulate their voice in drama schools. You can master voice modulation with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level which is based on drama school training.

  4. Rushed speech
    The human brain absorbs information slower than someone transforms it which is why rushed speech is difficult to follow. During our elocution lessons, we teach our students how to slow down the pace of the speech and use pauses in order to make their speech easy and interesting to listen to.

  5. Paracite-words such as “eeeh”, “em”, “like”, “basically”, “you know”, “so”, etc.
    People often use parasite words to connect sentences and speak in paragraphs. When the speaker does not make pauses between sentences and speaks in paragraphs listeners cannot concentrate after the first idea and switch off. The full stop was invented to separate sentences and ideas. The pause between them allows listeners to absorb one idea at a time and get ready for the next one. You can practise this with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level.

  6. Wooly speech that lacks clarity
    Such speech creates a considerable disadvantage for both the speaker and the listener. The speaker is perceived as uneducated and lacking confidence and the listener is frustrated as he/she cannot understand what is said. To overcome wooly speech start articulation exercises with our bestselling book Get Rid of your Accent Part One .

    More on www.batcsglobal.com

146. How can developing your communication skills lead to financial opportunities?

The primary purpose of communication is to understand others and be understood. There are additional purposes as well such as informing, persuading, selling, introducing yourself to others, inspiring, entertaining, etc.
There are different situations where communication is a key tool.
People who take our elocution lessons prepare for their job interviews, presenting to potential investors, court performances (as barristers), negotiations, teaching, etc. I have noticed one thing in common among our students: they are all high achievers who need good communication skills.

People who buy our books and apps and take our elocution lessons and course tell us their reasons why they need good communication skills. Here are just a few.

  1. They lack confidence when presenting

  2. They feel that their colleagues do not always understand what they are saying and it can be disruptive and even frustrating at work.

  3. They are not invited to meetings and they cannot chair projects because of difficult-to-understand speech

  4. They are not getting promoted and as a result, do not have a pay rise

  5. They cannot get higher-paid jobs where they need to present, chair meetings and discussions

After our elocution lessons and practising with our books and apps their speech and life changed for the better:

  1. They feel confident when speaking and become successful at work

  2. They get better jobs and their salary increases

  3. They enjoy their work more including chairing meetings, presenting and speaking in public

To date, we have five books and nine iOS and nine Android apps plus two video courses for speech mastery. If you master your communication skills you will be able to get jobs, build successful business relations and grow your business.

More on Get Rid of your Accent | Elocution Lessons

143. Why leaders should talk less and listen more

One of the most important tasks of a leader is to make decisions. To make good decisions leaders need information from others. The more silent they are, the more they are able to hear. Active listening without interrupting will enable leaders to notice finer details, particularly if they pay attention to the intonation and voice. They will also be able to notice nonverbal or body language signals, gather valuable information and have a bigger picture of a situation. That will be useful for making better decisions.

The second task of a leader is to lead people of different abilities, identify their strengths and use these strengths successfully. Active listening does help understand people better.

Finally, not giving away too much and being economical with words is a very useful tool in establishing a powerful position, particularly in negotiation, business meetings with rivals, etc. “The person who cannot control his words shows he cannot control himself and therefore unworthy of respect” (Don Corleone, Godfather). If one wants to assume a position of power he/she should always say less than necessary.

According to R. Greene, “The game of power is in many ways the game of appearances. When you say less than necessary you inevitably appear more powerful than you are which is the key to establishing the aura of power”. How does saying less than necessary gives you an advantage? R. Greene suggests that “your silence will make other people uncomfortable. Humans are machines of interpretation and explanation, they have to know what you are thinking. When you carefully control what you reveal people cannot pierce your intentions or your meaning”.

Remember, if you are in a leading position, your words are extremely powerful and every word counts. Once the words are out you cannot take them back. They can be used for you or against you. Your brief answers and silence will put people on the defensive and they will be trying to fill the gaps you left with all sorts of comments that might reveal valuable information about them and their weaknesses. Moreover, when people try to share as much information as possible they often say things that are not appropriate for the context and may appear silly as a result.

I personally have noticed that keeping silent is hard and in order to make myself comfortable I may start making small talk and if the other person is not saying much I feel weak, I try to talk more and say things I do not really need to say. In this situation, I make myself desperate for approval. I feel like people who use silence with me rob me of my power.

I noticed that if one tends to talk a lot it takes quite an effort to control this urge. It will take time, effort and mastery to possess the art of keeping silent and saying less than necessary.

I practice simple techniques to overcome my urge to talk a lot:

  1. When planning a day I make a written note that programs me to reduce my speaking time by 80%

  2. I make an effort to engage in active listening

  3. I wear a bracelet that reminds me that I should control my urge to speak a lot

  4. Instead of speaking, I use eye contact and other body language signs to interact with others, I let others speak more

  5. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary and I try to keep silent otherwise.

  6. Before saying anything I ask myself: is it necessary? how it can be interpreted? what are the dangers and consequences of my words?

More on www.batcsglobal.com

142. What are some tips for improving public speaking and presentation skills?

In my opinion, the qualities that are important for a public speaker and presenter are :

1. Good straight posture which creates a confident image

2. Great eye contact which the audience

3. Good articulation and clear speech

4. Good voice projection so that people could hear him/her

5. Ability to explain his/her topic in an accessible simple way so that people with different abilities can understand it

6. Ability to structure the speech and prioritise the important points to fit the set time

7. Ability to ask questions that encourage audience to interact with the speaker

I would like to give the following recommendations for a public speaker and presenter:

1. Avoid parasite words, swear words, and fillers like “so, you know, basically, like, em, ah”. People use these words when they are thinking and speaking at the same time. Simply substitute these unnecessary words with pauses

2. Use pauses to separate your ideas, do not say all of them in one breath and allow your students to digest one idea at a time. If you speak without pauses, your student

3. Speak about profound things using simple language

4. Get to the point. Avoid beating about the bush

5. Do not jump from one topic to another, use logic and finish one thought at a time.

6. Ask questions and let students do the talking

7. Download apps, books and video courses to master your speech and public speaking skills

iOS Apps: (the same apps are available on Google Play)

1. ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech (British English)‎

2. American Accent App and Fluent American Speech (General American English)‎

3. ‎‎Business English Speech‎

4. Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

5 Paperback, Kindle and Audio books to master English:

1. Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Pronunciation and Speech Training Manual

2. Advanced Level (Pt. 2) (Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Speech Training Manual)

3. Get Rid of Your Accent for Business: The English Pronunciation and Speech

4. GET RID OF YOUR ACCENT, PART ONE AND TWO: GENERAL AMERICAN SPEECH TRAINING MANUAL, Second Edition

2 Video Courses to master English speech:

Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two

More on Get Rid of your Accent | Elocution Lessons

141. How can you improve your negotiation skills?

Here is advice from my personal experience which might help you to master your negotiation skills.

  1. Setting clear goals you want to achieve as a result of a negotiation and writing down your strategy for achieving them.

  2. Projecting power, leadership and credible image. Avoid sounding greedy, be honest and straight. Be in control of your urges to talk too much.

  3. Active listening and tuning into your negotiation partner, paying attention to the intonation and voice; understanding their needs and aspirations. This is different from passive listening where you hear the speaker but fail to retain the information. The more silent you are the more you are able to hear.

  4. Communicating clearly and to the point to keep your audience’s attention. This skill is particularly important when speaking on the phone. You can achieve this skill by performing speech exercises with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech.

  5. Thinking bigger. Often, when negotiating, each party is striving to get the biggest “slice of the pie” possible. If one party gets more then the other will get less. To break free of this traditional idea of negotiation, experts suggest shifting your goals from growing your slice to growing the whole pie. In this case, each party can get more than expected. Moreover, it will create the grounds for establishing rapport and trust for future business deals and collaborations. based on a win-win scenario

More on www.batcsglobal.com

140. Can speaking positively help someone develop a positive mindset?

The short answer is yes, it will help. The most important factor in creating a positive mindset is working on fostering a positive attitude. A positive attitude then is supported by using positive vocabulary.

Let me explain how it works. When you speak you program yourself and a positive talk will create not only a positive mindset but also positive events in your life.

By talking positively your focus will be on positive things thus you will magnify good things and create your own positive reality.

There are several realities that take place at the same time starting from the most negative like war, death, fear, and to the most positive like feeling optimistic, falling in love and enjoying peace.

One person who tends to talk about negative things and use negative language might find him/herself feeling sad, fearful and at a low energy level.

Another person who is optimistic and who wants to discuss successes and victories, beauty and prosperity will be at a high energy level which will be instrumental in bringing great things into his/her life.

More on www.batcsglobal.com

139. Qualities that are important for a lecturer

What makes a good lecturer? A good lecturer is effective in transmitting information from himself/herself to the audience. A good lecturer is a competent public speaker and subject matter expert. The objectives of a lecturer are different from a public speaker in that a lecturer has to facilitate the transmission and retention of information.

In my opinion, the qualities that are important for a lecturer are:

1.       Good straight posture which creates a confident image

2.       Great eye contact which connects the lecturer to his/her students

3.       Good articulation and clear speech

4.       Good voice projection so that students could hear him/her

5.       Ability to explain his/her subject in an accessible simple way so that students with different abilities can understand it

6.       Ability to structure the lecture and prioritise the important topics/points to fit the set time of the lecture

7.       Ability to ask questions that encourage students to interact with the lecturer

 I would like to give the following recommendations for lecturers:

1.       Avoid parasite words, swear words, and fillers like “so, you know, basically, like, em, ah”. People use these words when they are thinking and speaking at the same time. Simply substitute these unnecessary words with pauses

2.   Use pauses to separate your ideas, do not say all of them in one breath and allow your students to digest one idea at a time. If you speak without pauses, your student

3.   Speak about profound things using simple language

4.   Get to the point. Avoid beating about the bush

5.   Do not jump from one topic to another, use logic and finish one thought at a time.

6.   Ask questions and let students do the talking

7.   Download apps, books and video courses to master your speech and public speaking skills

 iOS Apps:

1.       ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech (British English)‎

2.       American Accent App and Fluent American Speech (General American English)‎

3.       ‎‎Business English Speech‎

4.       Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

 5 Paperback, Kindle and Audio books to master English:

1.       Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Pronunciation and Speech Training Manual

2.       Advanced Level (Pt. 2) (Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Speech Training Manual)

3.       Get Rid of Your Accent for Business: The English Pronunciation and Speech

4.       GET RID OF YOUR ACCENT, PART ONE AND TWO: GENERAL AMERICAN SPEECH TRAINING MANUAL, Second Edition

 2 Video Courses to master English speech:

Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two

More on www.batcsglobal.com

138. What is the line between confident and arrogant?

Quite often people ask me how they can be confident and what is the difference between confodent and arrogant. I will explain it by outlining the features of confident people first.

Confident people:

1. Feel they are not better or worse than others. Nobody is perfect and confident people accept themselves and others with strengths and weaknesses, therefore they are friendly with all people.

2. Have good listening skills. They use 3D listening which means they are paying attention to how people perceive their messages, understand who they are speaking to, and establish a rapport. It is important to pay attention to the intonation and voice. They respect others’ opinions.

2. Do not ask anybody's opinion about their appearance. People, who constantly ask: “Do I look good? Do you like my hair?” demonstrate self-doubt which is the opposite of self-confidence.

3. If they do not like something say it right then and there in a calm respectful way. You can learn to do it with the app Power,Pitch, Pace,Pause. 
Often when people feel emotional they tend to raise the voice. It would be very effective to do the opposite. If they drop the pitch and slow down it will help them to be more in control and project authority.

4. Do not try to prove anything to anybody. When people try to prove themselves they often speak fast and try to say all they know in a short period of time. Confidence people do not speak a lot, answer only those questions that are being asked of them. They make their answers clear and stress the key messages. You can learn about it with the apps Get Rid of your Accent and Fluent English Speech.

Arrogance is the opposite of confidence. It is just a shield to hide insecurities. “Arrogance can be defined as the personality trait whereby a person has an obnoxiously elevated sense of self-worth”

Arrogant people use arrogance as their defence mechanism because underneath they suffer from low self-esteem. They compensate their inner inferiority at the expense of others:

1.       They worry what others think about them, as a result, they act so that they can stand out and feel that they are better than others

2.       They ignore other people opinions, talk over others and cannot accept feedback. Often, when they talk to others, they do not have the patience to listen. They hear a few words and very quickly they start thinking about what they can say to dominate that person and appear more clever.

3.       They do not try to connect with people, as a result, their relationships are superficial.

This morning I went horseriding. One of the ladies who was on our group hack did not say “hello”, I felt her attitude was rather arrogant and unfriendly. During the hack, she fell off her horse. That was the lesson that arrogance was punished.

More on www.batcsglobal.com

137. How can I get my old confidence back?

Mike Tyson once said: “everybody has a plan until they get their first punch”. People and circumstances might have been your punches that led you to lose your confidence.

What I think will help get your confidence back is to start loving yourself regardless of anything you ever hear about yourself. Be true to yourself, do not try to be a people pleaser, instead please yourself.
Do not react - act instead.
Do not allow others to influence your behavior and your reactions.
Sort out your financial situation and work on projects that bring you the biggest profit. Do not waste your time in low-paid jobs. Think about how you can make even more money in future.

Become disciplined and master it with regular sports activities.
Sleep well, eat well and make sure you have plenty of energy. Stop consuming alcohol and stop smoking if you drink and smoke now.
Do not consume too much information, instead produce yourself. Be an active doer rather than a passive consumer with informational obesity.
Talk less, do more.

Get rid of people who try to diminish you.

More on www.batcsglobal.com

136. How can you show off your skills in an interview without sounding arrogant or cocky?

a) Observe general job interview rules:

1. When you speak do not over-vocalise, speak calmly and naturally.
2. Make your answers concise, go straight to the point and do not beat about the bush. “Brevity is the soul of wit” W. Shakespear, Hamlet a quote from Polonius's character. Meaning conciseness is at the heart of cleverness.
3. Keep a straight posture and maintain good eye contact. It will help you to create a strong presence.

b) Observe social dos and don'ts.

English society is class orientated and there is a pecking order to observe. For example, ordinary people cannot approach Royalty first, they have to wait for the Royalty to start talking to them. That trickles down to the other layers of society. People senior in social and business positions are expected to start a conversation.

It is advisable to not be pushy.

I have noticed, that some people try to talk a lot, and make silly jokes in order to feel comfortable. In my opinion, it is better to not say much and listen and smile more. I recommend using pauses. Once you mentioned one of your strengths, pause and observe the reaction of your interviewer. Allow people who interview you time and space to absorb your ideas one at a time. Learn how to use pauses with the app 4Ps, Power,Pitch,Pace,Pause.

More on www.batcglobal.com 

135. Are you born charismatic or you can learn how to be charismatic?

Two words come to mind when talking about charisma: freedom and individuality. In my opinion, people are born with charisma, the essence of their individuality is charisma.

What happens to kids later is that their individuality is suppressed by social rules and so-called “standards”. Parents, teachers and friends advise how to be “nice and beautiful”. Kids lose their individuality and become comfortable for others. They forget their authentic selves. They become afraid to be themselves. They are no longer feel free.

Many people think that having a perfect appearance, great social skills and being liked are the components of charisma. Nowadays, many girls choose to get rid of their individuality and spend a fortune on cosmetic procedures to look like Angelina Jolie. They think if they look perfect everybody will like them. They end up looking cloned which is the opposite of charisma.

Charisma is being special and different from others in a bit exaggerated way. Let’s have a look at some examples. If we talk about appearance, it can be a birthmark on your face (Robert De Niro) or a big nose (Barbara Streisand). A person’s character can be a part of his/her charisma: being brutally honest and funny (Ricky Gervais) or ostentatiously well-spoken and ironic (Steven Fry). As you can see all these features are a bit exaggerated so that others notice them straight away.

If you want to develop charisma, do not try to look or be perfect. Instead, find what makes you unique and accentuate it, accentuate your individual forms and features.

Go back to your childhood and celebrate your inner child, do what you want and feel like doing. Do not be afraid of what others think of you. Feel free to be bold!

More on Get Rid of your Accent | Elocution Lessons

134. What criteria should I follow to deliver an entertainment speech?

An entertainment speech should have the following structure:

  1. Opening. Set an entertaining mood in the opening. You can do it with a self-deprecating joke or an exaggeration, for example. It should provoke an immediate response from the audience.

  2. Body. Make the body of the speech somewhat casual, yet build up your ideas/messages that will lead to a punch line at the end. Keep your audience in suspense all the way to the end.

  3. Conclusion. This can be brief, sudden and definite.

When writing your speech make sure that you keep your language simple and easy to follow. It should not be convoluted and difficult to understand.

Use vivid language and funny words. Create real images so that the audience can easily relate to them.

You can also use unexpected twists and turns, puns and parodies, misunderstandings and anecdotes.

It is very important to work on the way you speak. Rule number one is to not laugh at your own jokes.

Do not read your jokes, tell them. Make fun of yourself. You can tell about your embarrassing experience or how you tried to cope with an unusual person or situation.

Make pauses to create anticipation. Do not rush and enjoy delivering your entertaining speech.

133. How to master English speech without a teacher

On a daily basis, I receive emails from people who ask me how they can master English speech without a teacher. We have developed an effective solution and in this blog post, I will talk about it.

How to start?
The first step is to download the video course Get Rid of your Accent Part One and the corresponding app Elocution Lessons and/or the book Get Rid of your Accent for Beginners. At the beginning of the app below the “Help” section, you will see the section “Difficulties in Pronunciation for Different nationalities”., click on this section and find your nationality. You can find this section in the book on page 136. We recommend that you start practicing the sounds that are difficult for your nationality first because if you master these sounds first your speech will become considerably better. It may well be that after practicing these sounds you will not have to do anything else. This depends on many factors in your individual situation: how long you have been speaking English, your native tongue and your ear.

How to work with each lesson?
Open the video course on the sound you want to practice first and look at how sound is created in the mouth. Try to copy Linda’s mouth position and use the mirror to check your mouth position. Then practise the sound with a few words from the video course. Do not rush it, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. After that, you must practise the sound in more words, phrases and verses with the app/book with the same lesson number so that correct pronunciation becomes your second nature. For example, when I was Linda’s student I realised that [w] does not exist in my native language and I had to practise for a few weeks in order to strengthen my lip muscles to produce this sound automatically without thinking about it.

In the video course, there are only a few words, but we have three books to master English sounds. The lesson numbers are the same for a certain sound in all three apps/books. Our bestselling app Get Rid of your Accent and accompanying book contain advanced English vocabulary, plenty of classic English poetry, and amusing sentences. This book is used in London drama schools for actors who want to learn Received Pronunciation. Many of our students are top-level professionals and diplomats and they inspired us to create the book Get Rid of your Accent for Business, Part Three and the app Business English Speech. It contains political, economic and legal expressions and students who practised with it told us that this particular app and book helped them to bring their English vocabulary and speech to a much higher level.

What is next after you have mastered the sounds?
Students who mastered English sounds told us that they still felt their speech lacked fluency. Thay did not feel confident. That is why we have created the video course Get Rid of your Accent Part Two
and the accompanying apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power,Pitch,Pace,Pause and the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level. These apps and book are a wonderful resourse if you want to become a formidable public speaker and gain confidence when presenting. They contain poetry, dialogues and passages from classic English lterature and by Michael Knowles who is a British comedy writer. We also recommend that you continue reading poetry out loud applying the skills you have learned from our apps and books.

More on www.batcsglobal.com

132. What are some ways to improve social skills and etiquette?

Good social skills and knowledge of etiquette will open doors and help you to become happy and successful.

Below are my tips:

  1. Do not be too forward - respect other people's space. Your friendly smile and open body language would signal that you welcome them to approach you. If you avoid eye contact and look tense/uptight you do not invite people to socialise with you. So make a video recording of yourself when you talk to others and pay attention to your eyes and gestures. Do you look friendly or hostile?

  2. It would be wise to avoid negative and sensitive, very personal topics that make people uncomfortable, such as age, sexual orientation, marital status, politics, religion, money. etc. Instead, start talking about something very general and try to find a common ground with a person or a group of people.

  3. When socialising with others try to feel positive, relaxed and calm and use humour.

  4. Avoid arguing, ask instead of demanding, be grateful.

  5. Get a book on etiquette in the country where you live and practise the rules of etiquette daily until it becomes your second nature.

  6. Do not talk too much, listen more. The value of active listening is that the person who you are listening to will like you and become open to listening to you. This way you can establish rapport with them. Concentrate on another person, try to understand them, rather than bombarding them with your thoughts.

  7. Before speaking, ask yourself the following questions: is what I am going to say interesting to my listeners, is my speech clear to understand and follow?
    When people are eager to share their thoughts with others they often get excited and speak without pauses which makes it hard to follow. Good communicators make pauses and allow listeners to absorb one idea at a time and get ready for the next one. When people communicate on an international level they might find that not many people understand their accent because they are not used to hearing it. As a result, they are often asked to repeat themselves which can be frustrating and embarrassing for both parties.
    You address mentioned above issues with the apps Elocution Lessons, Get Rid of your Accent, Fluent English Speech, Business English Speech, 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause, American Accent App, and Fluent American Speech.

    More on www.batcsglobal.com

131. What is the effect of communication on the improvement of language skills?

Communication has motivational and educational effects on language skills development.

I recommend presenting speeches and recording them.

Speech preparation requires thoughts and the ability to express them in an effective way. You will learn to use new words and phrases and how to pronounce and articulate them correctly.

Before writing a speech, first record your thoughts on the audio file. Then write them down, then edit your speech a few times.

The editing process is very educational and editing takes much more time than writing.

Prepare in advance your 2–3 key points and remember that a good presentation includes:

  • Engaging beginning, for example with a powerful quote or questions that create interest in your audience

  • Good structure: introduction, main part and conclusion

  • A powerful ending that is memorable for the audience

  • Clear messages which are stressed appropriately

  • Connection with the audience on an emotional level

Another thing to think about is the actual delivery of your presentation.

A good delivery has the following characteristics:

I advise my students, for example, to set up their own YouTube channel and create short video presentations.

More on www.batcsglobal.com

130. Why do so many people lack effective communication skills?

By Olga Smith
Many people lack effective communication skills because they do not learn them with their parents/ teachers/friends and because they do not socialise.

In my opinion, communication skills should be taught and learned from the very childhood and practised throughout life. Kids should learn what to say and more importantly how to say it.

Unfortunately, in many countries, kids learn math and chemistry in depth and communication skills are not considered important. Often, parents who have long working hours do not teach their kids how to communicate. I remember I had a French student who mastered his communication skills with our elocution courses who told me that he was very pleased that his kids went to British private schools where communication skills and interpersonal skills were important. He said that in France the stress is on sciences such as maths and physics.

In order to master your speech I recommend that you download three apps:

‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1, ‎Fluent English Speech and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause. For kids, I recommend the app ‎Elocution Lessons.

It is very useful to adapt in different cultures. Adaptability is one of the most important survival mechanisms in life.

If needed having a few therapy sessions with a psychotherapist and sorting out your internal pain that might hinder happy and successful communication would not be out of place.

In my opinion, good listening skills is the number one tool of successful communication. This skill is hard to master for many people. Often, when we talk to others, we do not have the patience to listen. If we can master the patience to listen then that skill alone will take us a long way.

More on www.batcsglobal.com