189. Secrets of Successful Self-Presentation

Self-presentation is a skill that can make or break your social and professional success. In this article, I will outline some mistakes and give useful tips in this area.

Self-presentation is presenting oneself to others; others here are more important than self. Many people make a mistake by starting their self-presentation by listing their achievements, accomplishments and rewards rather than what benefits they can bring to the people they present to. For example, instead of saying “I hold a Toastmaster bronze reward”, you can say “I am a keen presenter as I have 15 years of experience in public speaking and would love to step in to present to customers and partners”. The statistics show that most people shy away from presenting, which can make you a valuable asset for a team where presentation skills are needed.

The second mistake is too much information. Avoid too many personal details that are of little interest to others such as what your mother does or what is your favourite beach. Just say things that are relevant to the situation you are in and focus on the purpose of your self-presentation.

The third area I want to talk about is speech and voice. If your speech is difficult to understand and/or your voice is unpleasant this can be a problem. The good news is you can fix it. Read about techniques to master speech and voice in my articles. Here I just want to mention the main mistakes: mumbling, speaking with a half-closed mouth, hesitating and using filler words such as “eehm, aaahm, like, basically, you know,” etc.

What can you do to make your self-[presentation successful? I recommend the SUS approach for the content:
Simple, Useful, with an element of Surprise.

Use short simple words, make it useful for others and add something unique about yourself that might surprise others. For example, if you are an elegant lady people might be surprised that you ride a high-speed motorbike.

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183. What factors contribute to a person's voice sounding good or bad?

When talking about voice let’s consider its main characteristics:

  1. Pitch

  2. Power and voice projection

  3. Pace

  4. The tone of voice and intonation

Children have high-pitched voices. When they grow up the voice becomes deeper and the pitch lower. Often grownups have high-pitched voices. Often they come to our elocution lessons and we help them to develop different pitch ranges. There are exercises in the app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause that will create lower or higher-pitched voices and alternate between them to show different emotions and send particulate messages.

The power of the voice or loudness depends on many factors. The power of the voice depends on the lung capacity which in turn depends on breathing. Loudness can be trained as well with the app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause. There are times when a soft and quiet voice is more effective than a loud one. At the same time loud voice can be essential for a public speaker, a lecturer or when you are out in the open teaching kids tennis, for example. Some people who tend to speak very quietly hardly open their mouths and instead of speaking they just mumble.

The pace of the voice depends on several factors: geographic location where the person lives. the pace of life and so many other factors. In our experience, we had many highly intelligent students whose brain works so fast and that leads to them speaking very quickly as their thoughts rush to come out. We recommend the lesson from our app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause to master pauses with simple yet effective exercises.

The tone of voice and intonation are very difficult to change. In my opinion, it is more psychological/inherited. copied from our parents etc. rather than technical. Technically there are a few intonation patterns. For example, the simplest pattern is simple rising. We use this intonation when asking a question. Simple falling is used when demanding, or ordering people to do something, this intonation has an authoritative tone.

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171. How effective are the accent reduction training programs?

The answer to this question depends on three factors:

  1. The teacher’s competence and work experience

  2. The student’s ability to hear the differences in sounds and the amount of time and effort he/she is putting into the accent reduction process

  3. The quality of training material: books, apps, video courses

Which teachers to choose?
Accent reduction should be taught by a qualified speech tutor (in the past speech tutors were called elocution teachers). A qualified speech tutor knows how sounds are produced in the mouth, the exact position of the tongue, lips and jaw for a particular sound. This is the key. To achieve the best results book a few elocution lessons.

What is expected of a student?
To reduce an accent one must substitute old habits of speaking with new ones which takes time and effort. It is a process. Usually, we recommend mastering a sound minimum for a week. Some sounds are easier and some may take longer to master. For example, /w/ sound does not exist in Russian. It is produced with lips going forward in a tight whistle and requires certain lip muscles. If the muscles are not trained it might take a while to train them to produce an energised /w/ sound. It’s a bit like going to the gym. If I tell you to go to the gym and come with a six-pack after one session you know that it will not happen. It is important to practice regularly, every day for 15-45 minutes rather than two hours once a week.

How to practice? Which books and apps to use?
I recommend that you download professional accent reduction apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English).
There is also an Elocution Lessons app to master essential English and a Business English Speech app that contains business vocabulary (both are for British English).
All the above apps have accompanying video courses, Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two.

It is also a good idea to listen to good RP speakers, copy a section at a time, and record yourself.

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170. How to introduce a speaker

This blog post is useful for people who participate in public speaking events and social gatherings.
To introduce a speaker is a very important task. If you do it right you will make yourself popular.

  1. The main principle to follow is to showcase the speaker's best qualities and talk very highly of his/her achievements, mentioning their awards, work and other contributions. Do your homework and find out the facts about the speaker.

  2. Learn how to pronounce their name correctly and articulate it well when calling the person.

  3. When calling the presenter smile, use a loud voice and upward inflections because it will make you sound optimistic and energetic. Maintain a straight posture and good eye contact with the audience. When the presenter comes to the stage shake his/her hand and make eye contact with him/her.

  4. It would be fantastic to ask the audience to clap: “Let’s give a round of applause to our next speaker Simon Bird.”

  5. Stress the most important words by saying them louder.
    Below is an example of an introduction; I put the most important words in italic font:
    “It is a great owner to introduce our next speaker, Simon Bird. Simon has a Ph.D. in Politics and is a Nobel Prize winner. It is impossible to overestimate his contributions to human rights in this country. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give our warm welcome and a round of applause to Simon Bird!”

You can master the skills of presenting and more with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

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168. How do you deal with people who don't communicate directly ?

As Oscar Wilde once said: “The first duty in life is to be as artificial as possible.  What the second duty is no one has as yet discovered.” In English-speaking, Anglo-Saxon culture people see directness as a form of aggression, and being polite is above being sincere. It is absolutely vital to pay attention to subtle details of communication. Learn and understand these subtleties if you would like to build good business and social connections.

I recommend the following instructions if you want to master the art of subtle communication:

Master your listening skills

  1. Create eye contact with a speaker and look at them with empathy and a smile. People relax when you smile at them

  2. Observe the way a person speaks. Namely intonation, tone of voice, speech speed, loudness, etc. You can learn more about it in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level, and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

  3. Learn to read between the lines and pay close attention to words, voice, intonation, and facial expressions. Listen to the feelings and emotions behind words and voice, and respond to them appropriately

  4. Imagine that you are a psychotherapist who is talking to a patient and that you are paid for listening

  5. Allow a pause after what was said and connect with what was said

Work on your messages

  1. Substitute negative words with euphemisms, for example instead of saying “poor” say “not bad”, instead of saying “I disagree” say “maybe I understand it differently”, and so on

  2. Avoid giving orders, ask or request instead, for example, instead of saying “Do it!” say “Would you like to do it for me, please?”, and so on

  3. Use a friendly tone of voice and intonation even when speaking about something difficult. You can master it with the app ‎Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

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164. Be in control and exude authority

Good barristers, politicians and business leaders sound confident, in control and have authority in their speech and voice. Can it be mastered? Yes, and I will explain how.

First of all, in order to achieve authority in your voice be in control of your breathing. Good breath control will bring energy to your voice.

Secondly, good articulation will help you sound clear, more energised and powerful. You can master it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 (British English) or ‎American Accent App (American English).‎

Thirdly, avoid sounding monotonous and saying everything on one level of pitch. Change the pitch, power and pace according to the emotion/meaning of a particular message. We can recommend the app 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you want to learn and practice this technique.

To achieve authority, speak in a straightforward way and stress the key messages. To make the keywords stand out use a louder or quieter voice (depending on the meaning). Raise the inflection when saying keywords and vice versa, use downward inflection with unstressed words. Learn more about inflecltion and sentence stress in the apps ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or Fluent American Speech (American English).

Finally, think about physicality and be well in control of your posture and gestures. Have a good straight posture and gestures that support your messages.

What is the best way to practice it? Listen to speakers like Winston Churchill. Watch courtroom dramas and note how effective barristers speak. Here is a practical exercise for you:

  1. Read a speech out loud and record yourself.

  2. Underline stresses keywords and mark pauses in the printed copy of the speech. You can learn how to do it right with the app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

  3. Read the speech again and record yourself. If necessary repeat this exercise a few times.

If you need help book a few elocution lessons.

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163. Impact of modern technology on our ability to communicate in person

I believe that since the introduction of smartphones and messengers like Whats Up, Viber, and others people prefer to text and send images rather than speak.

It has both advantages and disadvantages. The obvious advantage is speed and convenience. The disadvantages are that people lose the art of communicating in person and do not know how to enjoy it. They lose their confidence when they have to communicate in person. These people are at a disadvantage in moving forward in their careers. Successful salespeople, CEOs, MDs, and top Politicians must have amazing in-person communication skills.

To master communication in person I recommend:

  1. Learning to speak clearly

  2. Learning to communicate not only thoughts but also emotions and feelings

  3. Learning to use non-verbal messages, such as eye contact, posture and hand gestures to support your verbal messages

Many students who take our elocution lessons often tell us that they want to become confident communicators. Feeling confident is expressed by your body language, voice and words.

I recommend apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you wnat to master your communication in person.

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161. Android Apps to master English speech

British English:

Elocution Lessons - Apps on Google Play
This app is ideal for children and people who just started learning English. This app has 48 lessons. It contains short, commonly used phrases, sentences and verses that are easy to repeat and it also has useful tips for teachers of English. It is actually useful for everyone as it contains essential, everyday English.

Get Rid of Your Accent - Apps on Google Play
This app is ideal if you want to get rid of a regional or foreign accent and to speak with Standard English or RP (Received Pronunciation). It has 42 lessons; it contains effective practical exercises to perfect all English sounds and perfect your articulation.

Fluent English Speech - Apps on Google Play
This app is a follow-up to the Get Rid of your Accent app.  It is ideal if you want to develop fluency in English and sound more like a native English speaker. It contains exercises for difficult and connected speech patterns, natural flow of speech, intonation, sentence stress and onomatopoeia. 

Business English Speech - Apps on Google Play
This app was designed for top-level professionals, diplomats and lawyers. It is the only app on the market that has both English pronunciation and business vocabulary training. It contains 43 lessons with material gathered from interviews with CEOs, CFOs and MDs of global companies and helps to develop proficiency in English.

Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause - Apps on Google Play
This app is ideal if you want to get rid of monotonous speech and become a successful presenter and public speaker. It contains practical exercises for voice modulation and the use of pauses.

Get Rid of Chinese Accent - Apps on Google Play
This app is the same as the app Get Rid of your Accent with an additional bonus - Chinese translations.

General American English:

American Accent App - Apps on Google Play
This app is ideal if you want to get rid of a foreign or regional accent and master Standard American accent. It has 42 lessons. It contains effective practical exercises to perfect all American English sounds.

Fluent American Speech - Apps on Google Play
This app is a follow-up to the American Accent App. It is ideal to develop fluency in your American English speech. It contains exercises for difficult and connected speech patterns, natural flow of speech, intonation and sentence stress

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160. How can I defend myself if I am being roasted?

Deal with people who challenge you immediately. You might have people around you who cross your boundaries and act in a disrespectful way towards you. Do not bend, stick to your values. Challenge them back by saying immediately (not after 5 minutes, an hour, a day, or a week): ”I feel you do not respect me and I am not prepared to continue this way.”
Express your feelings without judging others. When I was a child, I was too shy to do that and felt like a victim who could not stand for her corner. Thanks to my father I developed the gear to confront people who cross my boundaries immediately.

If you have the courage to confront the bully immediately you will kill two birds with one stone: protect yourself and help the bully to stop. Bullies when not stopped go into the rush and get high on the domination drug.

People are very different. Some people have higher energetic levels and strong leadership skills and they know how to manipulate others. There are people who allow others to control and manipulate them. Why? There are secondary benefits of acting this way: if you allow others to control and manipulate you, you are not responsible, you can blame others for what happened to you and do nothing. This is the reason why victims often choose to be victims - they can do nothing and just put all the blame on the abuser. Then they have the masochistic pleasure of feeling pain and feeling sorry for themselves. Ask yourself a question: What are my secondary benefits for me if I do not deal with people who roast me? It could be keeping the status quo. You need to go deeper and ask why you need to keep this status. Maybe this status allows you to not challenge yourself and go the extra mile to defend your boundaries. A few sessions with a life coach might help you to discover your secondary benefits.

I recommend working on your confidence. Develop a straight posture and open body language. Master your speech, namely voice projection and articulation. It will help you to have authority and power in your voice and you will be perceived as a confident person. You can do it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

If you look and sound confident people will not attempt to roast you because bullies are looking for people who lack confidence and who cannot reply to them.

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158. Stop sounding boring and depressing!

A good many of our students are high achievers and they want their speech to be sharp as a sword with which they conquer the world. They take our elocution lessons in order to feel confident to:
- run meetings,
- speak in front of a large international audience
- present sales pitches,
- dominate in political debates,
- speak in the High Court of Justice,
- create educational video courses in the world's top universities, and so on.

In other words, they want people to listen to them.

We first work on the clarity of their speech and help them master RP (Received Pronunciation, actors master RP in drama schools in order to play upper-class characters in classic plays).

However, intonation and inflection are even more important if you want to sound interesting so that others enjoy listening to you.
Here is just one example of how different patterns of inflection can be used.
Most of the time we would use a simple falling inflection at the end of a sentence. Within a sentence that has separate phrases, we would use a rising inflection at the end of each phrase and finish the sentence with a falling inflection. Here are a couple of examples:
“The plane, which is flying to America, was delayed.”
”The giant, who was called Bill, was very frightening.”

Using rising inflection where appropriate will make the speech much more interesting.

Usually, people sound really boring and even depressing if they constantly use simple falling inflection. What I have noticed is that often people from a particular culture have a habit of using simple falling most of the time (for example, in an authoritarian culture like Russia). When I asked them to say something in a different way (with simple rising inflection or circumflex rising) they told me they felt unnatural. Indeed, our intonation and inflection are influenced by the environment we grew up in. Often we outgrow or change our childhood environment and lift ourselves to the next level. Therefore, one might ask: is the way I speak fitting my current environment?

When we record our students’ speech they are often shocked to hear the way they sound. They want to do exercises that can help them sound more interesting.

I would like to share these exercises with you.
1. Listen to good RP speakers; a small section at a time, a minute long or less
2. Analysie their inflection and make a note of when it rises and when it falls
3. Copy them

To get rid of constantly using simple falling use this simple exercise: instead of telling people what to do ask them to do it, and instead of demanding ask for a favour. When we ask a question our inflection rises.

It will also be useful to get rid of negative words in your vocabulary. Think about how you can avoid sounding negative. For example, instead of saying "We had another slow day", just say what happened: "Today our sales reached the same levels as yesterday".

You can learn and practise intonation/inflection and voice modulation with the apps Fluent English Speech and  Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause. The functionality of the app where you can listen, repeat and compare is perfect for mastering the intonation.

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156. Tips to improve public speaking skills and boost confidence

You can boost your confidence by realising that you are a unique human being and that your contribution to this world is welcomed. What you do and say matters and has value. Do not try to copy others, develop your own style, have fun and be happy.

What I have noticed is that people who lack confidence are not happy with their own physical appearance. Such people are often victims of the beauty industry and spend a fortune on plastic surgery and procedures.

By daring to be your natural self, having a haircut that you fancy but that may be not in fashion and clothes that others might find odd looking will boost your confidence; it will shout out “I don’t care what you think of me”.

Secondly, educate yourself and master the skills that you want to have and that might be of value to others. Monetise these skills and become prosperous. Money is a huge confidence booster.

To become a good public speaker work on straight posture, correct breathing, speech, voice, use of gestures, and visual aids to boost your presentations.

Here are a few public speaking tips :
1. Practise articulation exercises regularly. This will help you to have clear and crisp speech

2. Use pauses. It is one of the most effective means in public speaking; it separates ideas, creates a dramatic effect, creates anticipation and so much more.

3. Stress key messages. This technique helps to make your speech easy to listen to

153. Active listening checklist

Empathetic listening or active involves listening not only to the content but also to how it is said. Nonverbal messages that a speaker is using can give you clues. The foundation of empathetic listening is a sincere interest in a person speaking.

The checklist of what not to do during active listening:

  1. Do not interrupt other’s speech

  2. Do not anticipate what will be said

  3. Do not finish a speaker's sentences

  4. Do not judge, observe what is being said and how it is being said

I recommend the following instructions if you want to master empathetic listening:

  1. Create eye contact with a speaker and look at them with empathy and a smile. People relax when you smile at them

  2. Observe the way a person speaks. Namely intonation, tone of voice, speech speed, loudness, etc. You can learn more about it in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level, and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

  3. Listen to the feelings and emotions behind words and voice, and respond to them appropriately

  4. Imagine that you are a psychotherapist who is talking to a patient and that you are paid for listening

  5. Allow a pause after what was said and connect with what was said

  6. Motivate yourself for active listening by knowing that a person who is listening is in a more powerful position than the one who speaks

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152. Learn to communicate your emotions and feelings

I have noticed that many of us were not educated to communicate emotions and feelings. Instead, we were taught "how to think right." In kindergarten, school, university and then at work, even in the family, we learned how to think and speak appropriately.

The thing is we are not robots; we are humans with feelings and emotions. In Western civilization, we learned how to neglect our feelings and just say "the right thing." We learned that expressing vulnerability is a weakness and that being tough is a real strength. Is it? I am not so sure about it.

We often communicate the feeling of frustration with anger and aggression. In England, where I live, it is very fashionable to express feelings in a passive-aggressive way. In other words, acting nicely but with hidden aggression. Is there a need to be aggressive or passive-aggressive? Is there a better way? How can we do it differently?

Where does the aggression come from? In my opinion, the basis of aggression is judgment. What often happens is we see that someone breaks "a rule" that we expected he/she should observe, and we are quick to judge and then may even attack that person. We evaluate, judge and attack.

What if we stop evaluating and simply observe? Instead of judging, we start observing other people's speech and observing our own reaction to it and what feelings and emotions we have at that moment. This process takes time. If we do this exercise on a regular basis it will become automatic. It will substitute our reactive/aggressive responses to communicating our observations in a calm, measured way. When communicating, it is much better if we look at the person with compassion rather than with judgment.

Observation is neutral, whilst judgment is negative. When we feel negative, our body reacts in a certain way: we get tense, become stiff, and shorten breathing. By pausing, relaxing your body and breathing correctly you will help yourself to communicate your emotions as observations.

Many students who take our elocution lessons often tell us that they want to become more confident. Feeling confident is expressed by your body language, voice and words. The key to confidence is calmness, feeling relaxed and at the same time in control of your emotions.

You can find useful breathing exercises and how you can use your intonation and voice to express different feelings and emotions in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advanced Level and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

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150. Annoying speech patterns

  1. Going round in circles
    It is so annoying when a person says something and then repeats it again and again. It is rather tiring when someone cannot stop expressing one idea and keeps repeating it endlessly. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather stupid.

  2. Beating about the bush
    I know people who can speak for a long time and not really say much. Such speech lacks concreteness and sounds lightweight. My friend calls such speakers “cappuccino people”. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather shallow.

  3. Monotonous speech
    Monotonous speech is so boring. As a result, listeners switch off very quickly. It also makes a speaker sound rather dull. The monotonous speech also lacks emotion and the speaker may sound like a robot. Actors learn how to modulate their voice in drama schools. You can master voice modulation with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level which is based on drama school training.

  4. Rushed speech
    The human brain absorbs information slower than someone transforms it which is why rushed speech is difficult to follow. During our elocution lessons, we teach our students how to slow down the pace of the speech and use pauses in order to make their speech easy and interesting to listen to.

  5. Paracite-words such as “eeeh”, “em”, “like”, “basically”, “you know”, “so”, etc.
    People often use parasite words to connect sentences and speak in paragraphs. When the speaker does not make pauses between sentences and speaks in paragraphs listeners cannot concentrate after the first idea and switch off. The full stop was invented to separate sentences and ideas. The pause between them allows listeners to absorb one idea at a time and get ready for the next one. You can practise this with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level.

  6. Wooly speech that lacks clarity
    Such speech creates a considerable disadvantage for both the speaker and the listener. The speaker is perceived as uneducated and lacking confidence and the listener is frustrated as he/she cannot understand what is said. To overcome wooly speech start articulation exercises with our bestselling book Get Rid of your Accent Part One .

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147. What should I do to improve my listening skills fast?

I recommend the following daily practices:

  1. Make an effort to not interrupt a person speaking. Often, when we talk to others, we do not have the patience to listen. We hear a few words and very quickly we start anticipating what the other person will say. We even try to finish their sentences which is not very helpful, particularly for the person who is talking

  2. Pay attention to people and understand who you are speaking to. Try to answer the following questions. What do they want? What is bothering them?

  3. Pay attention to people’s intonation and voice. Is it sad or happy? Does the person sound confident or hesitant?

  4. Avoid commenting, judging or advising regarding what you listening about.

  5. Listen and engage your mind and heart

  6. Reduce your speaking time.

    I noticed that if one has a tendency to talk a lot it takes quite an effort to control this urge. It will take time, effort and mastery to possess the art of keeping silent and saying less than necessary.

I practice simple techniques to overcome my urge to talk a lot:

  1. When planning a day I make a written note that programs me to reduce my speaking time by 80%

  2. I make an effort to engage in active listening

  3. I wear a bracelet that reminds me that I should control my urge to speak a lot

  4. Instead of speaking, I use eye contact and other body language signs to interact with others, I let others speak more

  5. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary and I try to keep silent otherwise.

  6. Before saying anything I ask myself: is it necessary? how it can be interpreted? what are the dangers and consequences of my words?

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146. How can developing your communication skills lead to financial opportunities?

The primary purpose of communication is to understand others and be understood. There are additional purposes as well such as informing, persuading, selling, introducing yourself to others, inspiring, entertaining, etc.
There are different situations where communication is a key tool.
People who take our elocution lessons prepare for their job interviews, presenting to potential investors, court performances (as barristers), negotiations, teaching, etc. I have noticed one thing in common among our students: they are all high achievers who need good communication skills.

People who buy our books and apps and take our elocution lessons and course tell us their reasons why they need good communication skills. Here are just a few.

  1. They lack confidence when presenting

  2. They feel that their colleagues do not always understand what they are saying and it can be disruptive and even frustrating at work.

  3. They are not invited to meetings and they cannot chair projects because of difficult-to-understand speech

  4. They are not getting promoted and as a result, do not have a pay rise

  5. They cannot get higher-paid jobs where they need to present, chair meetings and discussions

After our elocution lessons and practising with our books and apps their speech and life changed for the better:

  1. They feel confident when speaking and become successful at work

  2. They get better jobs and their salary increases

  3. They enjoy their work more including chairing meetings, presenting and speaking in public

To date, we have five books and nine iOS and nine Android apps plus two video courses for speech mastery. If you master your communication skills you will be able to get jobs, build successful business relations and grow your business.

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143. Why leaders should talk less and listen more

One of the most important tasks of a leader is to make decisions. To make good decisions leaders need information from others. The more silent they are, the more they are able to hear. Active listening without interrupting will enable leaders to notice finer details, particularly if they pay attention to the intonation and voice. They will also be able to notice nonverbal or body language signals, gather valuable information and have a bigger picture of a situation. That will be useful for making better decisions.

The second task of a leader is to lead people of different abilities, identify their strengths and use these strengths successfully. Active listening does help understand people better.

Finally, not giving away too much and being economical with words is a very useful tool in establishing a powerful position, particularly in negotiation, business meetings with rivals, etc. “The person who cannot control his words shows he cannot control himself and therefore unworthy of respect” (Don Corleone, Godfather). If one wants to assume a position of power he/she should always say less than necessary.

According to R. Greene, “The game of power is in many ways the game of appearances. When you say less than necessary you inevitably appear more powerful than you are which is the key to establishing the aura of power”. How does saying less than necessary gives you an advantage? R. Greene suggests that “your silence will make other people uncomfortable. Humans are machines of interpretation and explanation, they have to know what you are thinking. When you carefully control what you reveal people cannot pierce your intentions or your meaning”.

Remember, if you are in a leading position, your words are extremely powerful and every word counts. Once the words are out you cannot take them back. They can be used for you or against you. Your brief answers and silence will put people on the defensive and they will be trying to fill the gaps you left with all sorts of comments that might reveal valuable information about them and their weaknesses. Moreover, when people try to share as much information as possible they often say things that are not appropriate for the context and may appear silly as a result.

I personally have noticed that keeping silent is hard and in order to make myself comfortable I may start making small talk and if the other person is not saying much I feel weak, I try to talk more and say things I do not really need to say. In this situation, I make myself desperate for approval. I feel like people who use silence with me rob me of my power.

I noticed that if one tends to talk a lot it takes quite an effort to control this urge. It will take time, effort and mastery to possess the art of keeping silent and saying less than necessary.

I practice simple techniques to overcome my urge to talk a lot:

  1. When planning a day I make a written note that programs me to reduce my speaking time by 80%

  2. I make an effort to engage in active listening

  3. I wear a bracelet that reminds me that I should control my urge to speak a lot

  4. Instead of speaking, I use eye contact and other body language signs to interact with others, I let others speak more

  5. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary and I try to keep silent otherwise.

  6. Before saying anything I ask myself: is it necessary? how it can be interpreted? what are the dangers and consequences of my words?

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142. What are some tips for improving public speaking and presentation skills?

In my opinion, the qualities that are important for a public speaker and presenter are :

1. Good straight posture which creates a confident image

2. Great eye contact which the audience

3. Good articulation and clear speech

4. Good voice projection so that people could hear him/her

5. Ability to explain his/her topic in an accessible simple way so that people with different abilities can understand it

6. Ability to structure the speech and prioritise the important points to fit the set time

7. Ability to ask questions that encourage audience to interact with the speaker

I would like to give the following recommendations for a public speaker and presenter:

1. Avoid parasite words, swear words, and fillers like “so, you know, basically, like, em, ah”. People use these words when they are thinking and speaking at the same time. Simply substitute these unnecessary words with pauses

2. Use pauses to separate your ideas, do not say all of them in one breath and allow your students to digest one idea at a time. If you speak without pauses, your student

3. Speak about profound things using simple language

4. Get to the point. Avoid beating about the bush

5. Do not jump from one topic to another, use logic and finish one thought at a time.

6. Ask questions and let students do the talking

7. Download apps, books and video courses to master your speech and public speaking skills

iOS Apps: (the same apps are available on Google Play)

1. ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech (British English)‎

2. American Accent App and Fluent American Speech (General American English)‎

3. ‎‎Business English Speech‎

4. Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

5 Paperback, Kindle and Audio books to master English:

1. Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Pronunciation and Speech Training Manual

2. Advanced Level (Pt. 2) (Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Speech Training Manual)

3. Get Rid of Your Accent for Business: The English Pronunciation and Speech

4. GET RID OF YOUR ACCENT, PART ONE AND TWO: GENERAL AMERICAN SPEECH TRAINING MANUAL, Second Edition

2 Video Courses to master English speech:

Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two

More on Get Rid of your Accent | Elocution Lessons

141. How can you improve your negotiation skills?

Here is advice from my personal experience which might help you to master your negotiation skills.

  1. Setting clear goals you want to achieve as a result of a negotiation and writing down your strategy for achieving them.

  2. Projecting power, leadership and credible image. Avoid sounding greedy, be honest and straight. Be in control of your urges to talk too much.

  3. Active listening and tuning into your negotiation partner, paying attention to the intonation and voice; understanding their needs and aspirations. This is different from passive listening where you hear the speaker but fail to retain the information. The more silent you are the more you are able to hear.

  4. Communicating clearly and to the point to keep your audience’s attention. This skill is particularly important when speaking on the phone. You can achieve this skill by performing speech exercises with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech.

  5. Thinking bigger. Often, when negotiating, each party is striving to get the biggest “slice of the pie” possible. If one party gets more then the other will get less. To break free of this traditional idea of negotiation, experts suggest shifting your goals from growing your slice to growing the whole pie. In this case, each party can get more than expected. Moreover, it will create the grounds for establishing rapport and trust for future business deals and collaborations. based on a win-win scenario

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