By Olga Smith
Social dos and don'ts may differ in various cultures. In this blog post, I will focus on English culture.
The main principles or values upon which social dos and don'ts in England depend are:
1. Be polite and kind
2. Respect other people's privacy
3. Respect other people's space
What should be avoided when you meet people for the first time? That depends on who you are and who you are talking to.
There is a famous English proverb: "If you have nothing nice to say, do not say anything."
English society is class orientated and there is a pecking order to observe. For example, ordinary people cannot approach Royalty first, they have to wait for the Royalty to start talking to them. That trickles down to the other layers of society. People senior in social and business positions are expected to start a conversation.
It is advisable to not push yourself on people and allow them to come to you first. Do not be too forward and respect other people's space. Your friendly smile and open body language would signal that you welcome them to approach you. If you avoid eye contact, looking tense and uptight would signal that you are not quite ready to meet others.
It would be wise to avoid negative and sensitive topics, such as politics, religion and money to avert conflicts and offending others.
Another thing to avoid when you meet a person for the first time is to become too personal and say things like "Oh I like your earrings" - don't do it!
How can we start communication successfully when we meet people for the first time?
Once you have been approached, you can introduce yourself and start talking about something very general.
For example, if you are at an international conference you may ask: "Have you come far?", "Are you a member or ..?" "This venue looks rather nice"
If you are at a parents' meeting for the first time, you can say things like "My boy is in year twelve, do you have a boy in this year?"
I have noticed, that some people try to talk a lot, and make silly jokes in order to feel comfortable. In my opinion, it is better to not say much and listen and smile more. Use active listening and pay attention to what people say, how they say it and their body language. I recommend avoiding judging what the other person is saying. Just listen and engage your mind and heart by listening to another person. This practice will help you to make a deeper connection with them.
Jacqueline Kennedy once said: "I sometimes have regretted what I said, but I have never regretted my silence."
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