138. What is the line between confident and arrogant?

Quite often people ask me how they can be confident and what is the difference between confodent and arrogant. I will explain it by outlining the features of confident people first.

Confident people:

1. Feel they are not better or worse than others. Nobody is perfect and confident people accept themselves and others with strengths and weaknesses, therefore they are friendly with all people.

2. Have good listening skills. They use 3D listening which means they are paying attention to how people perceive their messages, understand who they are speaking to, and establish a rapport. It is important to pay attention to the intonation and voice. They respect others’ opinions.

2. Do not ask anybody's opinion about their appearance. People, who constantly ask: “Do I look good? Do you like my hair?” demonstrate self-doubt which is the opposite of self-confidence.

3. If they do not like something say it right then and there in a calm respectful way. You can learn to do it with the app Power,Pitch, Pace,Pause. 
Often when people feel emotional they tend to raise the voice. It would be very effective to do the opposite. If they drop the pitch and slow down it will help them to be more in control and project authority.

4. Do not try to prove anything to anybody. When people try to prove themselves they often speak fast and try to say all they know in a short period of time. Confidence people do not speak a lot, answer only those questions that are being asked of them. They make their answers clear and stress the key messages. You can learn about it with the apps Get Rid of your Accent and Fluent English Speech.

Arrogance is the opposite of confidence. It is just a shield to hide insecurities. “Arrogance can be defined as the personality trait whereby a person has an obnoxiously elevated sense of self-worth”

Arrogant people use arrogance as their defence mechanism because underneath they suffer from low self-esteem. They compensate their inner inferiority at the expense of others:

1.       They worry what others think about them, as a result, they act so that they can stand out and feel that they are better than others

2.       They ignore other people opinions, talk over others and cannot accept feedback. Often, when they talk to others, they do not have the patience to listen. They hear a few words and very quickly they start thinking about what they can say to dominate that person and appear more clever.

3.       They do not try to connect with people, as a result, their relationships are superficial.

This morning I went horseriding. One of the ladies who was on our group hack did not say “hello”, I felt her attitude was rather arrogant and unfriendly. During the hack, she fell off her horse. That was the lesson that arrogance was punished.

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137. How can I get my old confidence back?

Mike Tyson once said: “everybody has a plan until they get their first punch”. People and circumstances might have been your punches that led you to lose your confidence.

What I think will help get your confidence back is to start loving yourself regardless of anything you ever hear about yourself. Be true to yourself, do not try to be a people pleaser, instead please yourself.
Do not react - act instead.
Do not allow others to influence your behavior and your reactions.
Sort out your financial situation and work on projects that bring you the biggest profit. Do not waste your time in low-paid jobs. Think about how you can make even more money in future.

Become disciplined and master it with regular sports activities.
Sleep well, eat well and make sure you have plenty of energy. Stop consuming alcohol and stop smoking if you drink and smoke now.
Do not consume too much information, instead produce yourself. Be an active doer rather than a passive consumer with informational obesity.
Talk less, do more.

Get rid of people who try to diminish you.

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136. How can you show off your skills in an interview without sounding arrogant or cocky?

a) Observe general job interview rules:

1. When you speak do not over-vocalise, speak calmly and naturally.
2. Make your answers concise, go straight to the point and do not beat about the bush. “Brevity is the soul of wit” W. Shakespear, Hamlet a quote from Polonius's character. Meaning conciseness is at the heart of cleverness.
3. Keep a straight posture and maintain good eye contact. It will help you to create a strong presence.

b) Observe social dos and don'ts.

English society is class orientated and there is a pecking order to observe. For example, ordinary people cannot approach Royalty first, they have to wait for the Royalty to start talking to them. That trickles down to the other layers of society. People senior in social and business positions are expected to start a conversation.

It is advisable to not be pushy.

I have noticed, that some people try to talk a lot, and make silly jokes in order to feel comfortable. In my opinion, it is better to not say much and listen and smile more. I recommend using pauses. Once you mentioned one of your strengths, pause and observe the reaction of your interviewer. Allow people who interview you time and space to absorb your ideas one at a time. Learn how to use pauses with the app 4Ps, Power,Pitch,Pace,Pause.

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135. Are you born charismatic or you can learn how to be charismatic?

Two words come to mind when talking about charisma: freedom and individuality. In my opinion, people are born with charisma, the essence of their individuality is charisma.

What happens to kids later is that their individuality is suppressed by social rules and so-called “standards”. Parents, teachers and friends advise how to be “nice and beautiful”. Kids lose their individuality and become comfortable for others. They forget their authentic selves. They become afraid to be themselves. They are no longer feel free.

Many people think that having a perfect appearance, great social skills and being liked are the components of charisma. Nowadays, many girls choose to get rid of their individuality and spend a fortune on cosmetic procedures to look like Angelina Jolie. They think if they look perfect everybody will like them. They end up looking cloned which is the opposite of charisma.

Charisma is being special and different from others in a bit exaggerated way. Let’s have a look at some examples. If we talk about appearance, it can be a birthmark on your face (Robert De Niro) or a big nose (Barbara Streisand). A person’s character can be a part of his/her charisma: being brutally honest and funny (Ricky Gervais) or ostentatiously well-spoken and ironic (Steven Fry). As you can see all these features are a bit exaggerated so that others notice them straight away.

If you want to develop charisma, do not try to look or be perfect. Instead, find what makes you unique and accentuate it, accentuate your individual forms and features.

Go back to your childhood and celebrate your inner child, do what you want and feel like doing. Do not be afraid of what others think of you. Feel free to be bold!

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134. What criteria should I follow to deliver an entertainment speech?

An entertainment speech should have the following structure:

  1. Opening. Set an entertaining mood in the opening. You can do it with a self-deprecating joke or an exaggeration, for example. It should provoke an immediate response from the audience.

  2. Body. Make the body of the speech somewhat casual, yet build up your ideas/messages that will lead to a punch line at the end. Keep your audience in suspense all the way to the end.

  3. Conclusion. This can be brief, sudden and definite.

When writing your speech make sure that you keep your language simple and easy to follow. It should not be convoluted and difficult to understand.

Use vivid language and funny words. Create real images so that the audience can easily relate to them.

You can also use unexpected twists and turns, puns and parodies, misunderstandings and anecdotes.

It is very important to work on the way you speak. Rule number one is to not laugh at your own jokes.

Do not read your jokes, tell them. Make fun of yourself. You can tell about your embarrassing experience or how you tried to cope with an unusual person or situation.

Make pauses to create anticipation. Do not rush and enjoy delivering your entertaining speech.

133. How to master English speech without a teacher

On a daily basis, I receive emails from people who ask me how they can master English speech without a teacher. We have developed an effective solution and in this blog post, I will talk about it.

How to start?
The first step is to download the video course Get Rid of your Accent Part One and the corresponding app Elocution Lessons and/or the book Get Rid of your Accent for Beginners. At the beginning of the app below the “Help” section, you will see the section “Difficulties in Pronunciation for Different nationalities”., click on this section and find your nationality. You can find this section in the book on page 136. We recommend that you start practicing the sounds that are difficult for your nationality first because if you master these sounds first your speech will become considerably better. It may well be that after practicing these sounds you will not have to do anything else. This depends on many factors in your individual situation: how long you have been speaking English, your native tongue and your ear.

How to work with each lesson?
Open the video course on the sound you want to practice first and look at how sound is created in the mouth. Try to copy Linda’s mouth position and use the mirror to check your mouth position. Then practise the sound with a few words from the video course. Do not rush it, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. After that, you must practise the sound in more words, phrases and verses with the app/book with the same lesson number so that correct pronunciation becomes your second nature. For example, when I was Linda’s student I realised that [w] does not exist in my native language and I had to practise for a few weeks in order to strengthen my lip muscles to produce this sound automatically without thinking about it.

In the video course, there are only a few words, but we have three books to master English sounds. The lesson numbers are the same for a certain sound in all three apps/books. Our bestselling app Get Rid of your Accent and accompanying book contain advanced English vocabulary, plenty of classic English poetry, and amusing sentences. This book is used in London drama schools for actors who want to learn Received Pronunciation. Many of our students are top-level professionals and diplomats and they inspired us to create the book Get Rid of your Accent for Business, Part Three and the app Business English Speech. It contains political, economic and legal expressions and students who practised with it told us that this particular app and book helped them to bring their English vocabulary and speech to a much higher level.

What is next after you have mastered the sounds?
Students who mastered English sounds told us that they still felt their speech lacked fluency. Thay did not feel confident. That is why we have created the video course Get Rid of your Accent Part Two
and the accompanying apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power,Pitch,Pace,Pause and the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level. These apps and book are a wonderful resourse if you want to become a formidable public speaker and gain confidence when presenting. They contain poetry, dialogues and passages from classic English lterature and by Michael Knowles who is a British comedy writer. We also recommend that you continue reading poetry out loud applying the skills you have learned from our apps and books.

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132. What are some ways to improve social skills and etiquette?

Good social skills and knowledge of etiquette will open doors and help you to become happy and successful.

Below are my tips:

  1. Do not be too forward - respect other people's space. Your friendly smile and open body language would signal that you welcome them to approach you. If you avoid eye contact and look tense/uptight you do not invite people to socialise with you. So make a video recording of yourself when you talk to others and pay attention to your eyes and gestures. Do you look friendly or hostile?

  2. It would be wise to avoid negative and sensitive, very personal topics that make people uncomfortable, such as age, sexual orientation, marital status, politics, religion, money. etc. Instead, start talking about something very general and try to find a common ground with a person or a group of people.

  3. When socialising with others try to feel positive, relaxed and calm and use humour.

  4. Avoid arguing, ask instead of demanding, be grateful.

  5. Get a book on etiquette in the country where you live and practise the rules of etiquette daily until it becomes your second nature.

  6. Do not talk too much, listen more. The value of active listening is that the person who you are listening to will like you and become open to listening to you. This way you can establish rapport with them. Concentrate on another person, try to understand them, rather than bombarding them with your thoughts.

  7. Before speaking, ask yourself the following questions: is what I am going to say interesting to my listeners, is my speech clear to understand and follow?
    When people are eager to share their thoughts with others they often get excited and speak without pauses which makes it hard to follow. Good communicators make pauses and allow listeners to absorb one idea at a time and get ready for the next one. When people communicate on an international level they might find that not many people understand their accent because they are not used to hearing it. As a result, they are often asked to repeat themselves which can be frustrating and embarrassing for both parties.
    You address mentioned above issues with the apps Elocution Lessons, Get Rid of your Accent, Fluent English Speech, Business English Speech, 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause, American Accent App, and Fluent American Speech.

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131. What is the effect of communication on the improvement of language skills?

Communication has motivational and educational effects on language skills development.

I recommend presenting speeches and recording them.

Speech preparation requires thoughts and the ability to express them in an effective way. You will learn to use new words and phrases and how to pronounce and articulate them correctly.

Before writing a speech, first record your thoughts on the audio file. Then write them down, then edit your speech a few times.

The editing process is very educational and editing takes much more time than writing.

Prepare in advance your 2–3 key points and remember that a good presentation includes:

  • Engaging beginning, for example with a powerful quote or questions that create interest in your audience

  • Good structure: introduction, main part and conclusion

  • A powerful ending that is memorable for the audience

  • Clear messages which are stressed appropriately

  • Connection with the audience on an emotional level

Another thing to think about is the actual delivery of your presentation.

A good delivery has the following characteristics:

I advise my students, for example, to set up their own YouTube channel and create short video presentations.

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130. Why do so many people lack effective communication skills?

By Olga Smith
Many people lack effective communication skills because they do not learn them with their parents/ teachers/friends and because they do not socialise.

In my opinion, communication skills should be taught and learned from the very childhood and practised throughout life. Kids should learn what to say and more importantly how to say it.

Unfortunately, in many countries, kids learn math and chemistry in depth and communication skills are not considered important. Often, parents who have long working hours do not teach their kids how to communicate. I remember I had a French student who mastered his communication skills with our elocution courses who told me that he was very pleased that his kids went to British private schools where communication skills and interpersonal skills were important. He said that in France the stress is on sciences such as maths and physics.

In order to master your speech I recommend that you download three apps:

‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1, ‎Fluent English Speech and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause. For kids, I recommend the app ‎Elocution Lessons.

It is very useful to adapt in different cultures. Adaptability is one of the most important survival mechanisms in life.

If needed having a few therapy sessions with a psychotherapist and sorting out your internal pain that might hinder happy and successful communication would not be out of place.

In my opinion, good listening skills is the number one tool of successful communication. This skill is hard to master for many people. Often, when we talk to others, we do not have the patience to listen. If we can master the patience to listen then that skill alone will take us a long way.

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129. What are some ways to overcome barriers in communication?

In order to overcome barriers in communication we need to establish what these barriers are.

  1. Poor speech and unintelligible accent

  2. Lack of cultural and social knowledge

  3. Psychological issues, such as autism and inability to adapt to others

  4. Poor listening skills

  5. Lack of communication experience

In order to master your speech I recommend that you download three apps:

‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1, ‎Fluent English Speech and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

Read about other cultures and observe people from other cultures, try to understand and adapt accordingly.

If needed have a few therapy sessions with a psychotherapist and sort out your internal pain that might hinder happy and successful communication.

Work hard on your listening skills. In my opinion, good listening skills are the number one tool of successful communication. This skill is hard to master for many people. Often, when we talk to others, we do not have the patience to listen. We hear a few words and very quickly we start anticipating what the other person will say. We even try to finish their sentences which is not very helpful, particularly for the person who is talking.

What would be more effective? When listening to others pay attention to who you are speaking to. What do their vocabulary, intonation, and voice tell you about them?

Rather than commenting, judging or advising on what you are listening to, try to establish a rapport with the person by adjusting to their way. Try to find a common ground and avoid frictions and arguments that can lead to miscommunication and quarrels.

Finally, do not be afraid to communicate your ideas to people. The more you do it the better you will become at it.

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128. What is the importance of communication skills for an IT engineer?

The communication of an IT specialist does not differ from other professions. The only thing I would add is that IT specialists need to adapt their language for their customers and managers and simplify the technical terms for people whose IT knowledge is not as sophisticated as theirs. This is not easy and it takes time and effort to develop this skill.

Many tech people make a common mistake: their speeches sound too technical. As a result, when they start speaking their audience could find it convoluted and boring.

Below are a few essential tips to communicate technical concepts to non-technical clients:

  1. Talk about the benefits to the clients, and make your speech clients oriented. Avoid too many technical details that are not that important for a client’s benefit. You, as a technical expert, might love talking about all these little details, but the client just wants to know what it will do for them.

  2. Use short sentences and short punchy words as opposed to long sentences and long words which are used when writing an article. This technique will help your audience to understand your speech and enjoy listening to it, otherwise, they might not get your point and lose interest quickly.

  3. If you use abbreviations and technical vocabulary, make sure you explain them first so that your listeners can follow what you are saying.

  4. When we write an article, our language contains much more details, whereas speeches tend to have the main ideas presented in a powerful way.

  5. It is useful to get rid of unimportant words in your speech because the main idea might be drowned in a sea of unnecessary words.

  6. Download the apps Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause and Fluent English Speech to master sentence stress and intonation and use of pauses.

    IT specialists who take our elocution lessons told us that due to poor communication skills they are stuck in front of their PC and even are not invited to meetings, they fail to attract clients and as a result, the business suffers. After our elocution lessons and courses, they are promoted to managerial positions, their salaries increase and their clients enjoy working with them.

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127. How can we communicate with each other effectively?

Use this formula:

1. When you speak to people always smile.

2. Try to develop a genuine interest in the people you communicate with.

3. Try to understand people by finding out information about their aspirations, interests, hobbies, jobs, types of character, etc.

4. Make the conversation interesting to the other person

I will explain this formula now. People are very different. We are all individuals.

In order to communicate effectively we need to understand each other: sex, age, education, values, culture, aspirations, and many other things.

Very often women complain that their husbands do not understand them and vice versa. Why? Because the difference in sex leads to differences in many other areas.

Old people often do not understand the young because of the generation gap leading to differences in aspirations.

The rich do not understand the poor. I could continue the list.

What can help us to overcome communication barriers? In my opinion, good listening skills is the number one tool of successful communication. This skill is hard to master for many people. Often, when we talk to others, we do not have the patience to listen. We hear a few words and very quickly we start anticipating what the other person will say. We even try to finish their sentences which is not very helpful, particularly for the person who is talking.

What would be more effective? When listening to others pay attention to who you are speaking to. What do their vocabulary, intonation, and voice tell you about them?

Rather than commenting, judging or advising on what you are listening to, try to establish a rapport with the person by adjusting to their way. Try to find a common ground and avoid frictions and arguments that can lead to miscommunication and quarrels.

It is also very important to communicate your ideas and responses clearly. The app ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 will help you with speech clarity and articulation.

The next step to becoming a successful communicator is to stress key messages and avoid speaking in a monotonous way. You can master it with the app ‎Fluent English Speech.

Finally, if you would like to reach a high level in public speaking and influence your audience work on your voice modulation and use of pauses with the app ‎Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

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126. Forget about the fear of public speaking!  

By Olga Smith

Many of our students who take our elocution lessons and courses ask us how they can overcome anxiety when speaking in public, chairing a meeting or leading a group discussion. 

People feel they are on display they start thinking that others judge them and that they are not as good as their colleagues who appear very confident. This negative state of mind may be worsened by failures from the past and a lack of preparation. 

What can you do to overcome this fear if you do not have much time before your next presentation? 

First of all, people have their unique way of presenting and this is the beauty. As they say: variety is the spice of life. Do not compare yourself to others and do not think that you are better or worse, you are just different and interesting in your own way, and it is a gift for others to listen to the real you.  

Having said that, there are techniques to present your ideas clearly and effectively to engage your audience and even impress them. I will share with you the tips that worked for me. 

 Preparation
1. Write down your presentation and read it 3 times out loud. 

2. Underline the keywords and stress them when presenting by saying them louder. 

3. Record yourself on audio or video recording and note things you need to improve in your speech and body language. 

When presenting
1. At the very beginning, make sure you greet your audience. You can say, for example: Good morning, everybody, it is my pleasure to talk about...today. I will start with... 

2. At the end of your talk, you can say a famous quote and finish by inspiring your audience to think about your topic, and finally thank them for their attention. 

3. Make pauses after each idea, do not say all ideas in one breath.  

4. Stay straight, do not slouch and avoid touching your hair and clothes. 

5. Project your voice and articulate words clearly.

 There is a wonderful elocution course that can help you to become a competent presenter.  

If your presentation is very important and you need urgent help, then you can book a couple of elocution lessons. 

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125. When is the right time to speak and when it is not?

The ability to say the right thing at the right time is a mark of a true master. I recommend working on listening skills and the conciseness of your speech if you want to develop this ability.

  1. Successful communicators are paying attention to how people perceive their messages, understand who they are speaking to, and establish a rapport. It is important to pay attention to intonation and voice.
    Often, when we talk to others, we do not have the patience to listen. We hear a few words and very quickly we start anticipating what the other person will say. We even try to finish their sentences which are not very helpful, particularly for the person who is talking. Do not do that!

In order t say the right thing at the right time we should listen, pause, think and reply. This will allow us to create a better response and modulate our voice accordingly.

2. It is better to speak less and answer only those questions that are being asked of you. Make your answers clear and stress the key messages. You can learn about it with the apps Get Rid of your Accent and Fluent English Speech.

I have noticed, that some people try to talk a lot, and make silly jokes in order to feel comfortable. When people try to prove themselves they often speak fast and try to say all they know in a short period of time. In my opinion, it is better to not say much, instead, listen and smile more.

It would be wise to avoid negative and sensitive topics, such as politics, religion and money to avert conflicts and offending others.

Jacqueline Kennedy once said: "I sometimes have regretted what I said, but I have never regretted my silence."

124. What is the value of clear English in organisation communication?

By Olga Smith

Good English is important in organisation communication influences:

  1. Clarity of communication within the organisation such as meetings, presentations and task assignments.

  2. The reputation of the organisation when communicating with customers, clients and partners.

  3. The professional success of the people

There are apps, books and video courses based on elocution lessons that help professionals to master this essential skill.

When you do not speak clearly in English that leads to a number of disadvantages.

Let me present a few examples given to us by our students:

"I work as an IT consultant, but because I speak with a strong Spanish accent and not all what I say is being understood, I am not invited to meetings. I know if I don't start to speak more clearly, I will be staring at the PC screen and have the same salary for many years to come..."

"After your accent reduction course I got promoted to an area manager, and now I want to master my speech even more as it became absolutely clear to me that communication is power."

"I am a dietician in Chelsea and all my clients have a posh accent (RP). In order to be trusted by my clients, I need to improve my accent".

Our Turkish student working as a Stock Exchange trader in London told us what her manager said to her: "If you don't lose your accent you lose your job". On the trading floor, people are so stressed and have no time to understand thick foreign accents.

My business partner from Silicon Valley told me that many Chinese and Indian IT specialists working there earn peanuts because it's difficult to understand their English. He further specified: they are making $100k now, but if they changed their accent they would make $400.

We have recently conducted research. We contacted native English people who work with non-native English speakers. We asked them what they thought about colleagues with a foreign accent that is difficult to understand.

These were their replies:
· Frustration
· Anxiety;
· Doubt if they are being understood;
· Accent distracting them from what is being said.

123. A very tricky English sound /ʌ/ as in "duck"

By Olga Smith

Almost all of the non-native English students who are taking our elocution lessons and courses make a pronunciation mistake with the sound /ʌ/ as in “duck”. Why this sound is so tricky? There are two main reasons:

  1. This sound does not exist in many languages. Students tend to open their mouth too much and pronounce it with the sound /a/ as in “pasta”.

  2. It is spelt with “o, ou, u” and students make a mistake by pronouncing it with /ɒ/ as in “box” because in many languages the pronunciation is the same as the spelling. In English, spelling and pronunciation are not the same because English inherited many words from other languages such as Latin, French and German and they left the spelling the same but anglicised the pronunciation. Below are the words where most students make a mistake:

    “company, country, front, stomach, oven, London, tongue, mother, love, money, other, monkey”

We recommend that you check your speech organ position for this sound in our video course Get Rid of your Accent Part One and then practise the sound with the apps Elocution Lessons, Get Rid of your Accent and Business English Speech. Lesson 9 in all apps and the video course.

If you fail to pronounce this sound correctly, your speech might be difficult to understand. You will see from the comparisons below that if you do not make this sound correctly the meaning of the word will change:

dark - duck, last -lust, branch - brunch, stark - stuck, hot-hut

Very often our students ask us how can they know where to use a particular sound. We recommend paying attention to the spelling and then practising with all our apps. The more you practise the quicker you will see the pattern.

122. How to speak in a business meeting

By Olga Smith

Speaking in a business meeting requires certain skills.  There are principles and techniques to follow for a meeting to be effective, successful, and pleasant. 

I have been to a number of the most boring and time-wasting meetings. Nothing was achieved or finalized. People just talked purposelessly for ages, trying to show off, interrupting each other, filling a short silence with empty words and silly jokes. 

How can you add value to a meeting? What can you say and how could you say it to be heard? How can you stop others from deviating from the meeting agenda? 

First, let's discuss the principles upon which speaking in any meeting depends. 

1. Time is money
To keep to a meeting time, have an agenda and write down your key ideas prior to the meeting. If others deviate from the meeting agenda, point out gently that you need to stick to this particular agenda. 

2. It is not personal it's business
Based on that, business meetings need to be about business and not about emotions.
The intonation should be neutral. 

3. Two brains are better than one
Be a good listener and make notes of other people's ideas if you want to build on them. There is a saying: when you speak you do not learn anything, but when you listen, you do.  

4. Clarity and conciseness
When you speak in a meeting, make sure your speech is clear. Bear in mind that people might struggle to hear you if you speak with a strong accent.  
Stress keywords. It will make it easier for others to get your ideas.
Speak with pauses, do not say all your ideas in one breath. When people listen to us, often their listening speed is slower than our speaking speed particularly if you speak too fast, it is quite hard to listen to someone to speaks in paragraphs without any pauses. Say less with more pauses, rather than too much, and very quickly. 

Our elocution courses will help you master the necessary speech skills to be successful in any meeting.