By Olga Smith
10 July 2020
Why people manipulate? To get what they want without giving anything else in return. I had experienced a hard-core manipulator, a narcissist. Just a snapshot of this story. I met this guy, Mister X, three years ago and he appeared as a prince whom I waited for all my life. He acted respectfully, said the right things and was hinting how he wants to have a family and that I am the first woman he wants children with. During our relationship I always failed drained of energy. He kept me in the unknown state. His words and actions were not coinciding. I also noticed that he was telling me humiliating things which would undermine my self-worth, but I just thought he was silly and was only joking. Finally Mister X told me that he is engaged to another woman, despite the fact that a week ago he had declared love towards me. Since that passed three months and Mister X contacted me again to tell that he is no longer engaged.
I studied manipulation in depth and realised that Mister X is a typical manipulator-hard. He used all the tricks that manipulators use.
I want to share with you the fundamentals of manipulator-hard and his victim's main feelings and emotions. What are the strategy, motives and main patterns of behaviour of a manipulator-hard?
Our facial expressions are memorised by our facial muscles and many people can read from your face about your character.
Manipulator's face has three domineering facial expressions:
- disgust
- contempt
- sorrow or sadness
Manipulator's domineering feelings:
- emotional pain
- revenge
- punishment
A victim of a manipulator's basic emotion is FEAR.
Because a manipulator keeps their victim in a state of uncertainty. If you find yourself in a state of uncertainty, you are being manipulated. This leads to emotional instability, lowers your self-esteem, prevents you from being calm and takes away your energy from yourself and your business. The state of uncertainty wears you down. During the Second World War, nazzies kept their concentration camp victims in a state of uncertainty and that made them easy to control, only two-three guards were able to control thousands of victims.
The main purpose of a manipulator-hard is to gain the victim's resources (eg: connections, money, free labour, usage of a car, food, etc) without giving their victim anything in return.
The manipulator's strategy has several stages.
Stage One: observe the victim, adjust to her, and act as a perfect partner
At the beginning of a relationship, manipulator-hard observes his victim so that he can adjust their behaviour to appear to their victim in order to appear as a perfect partner. It relaxes the victim. That's why when you meet “a perfect man”, remember, there are no perfect people, only perfect masks. It's the time you pay closer attention to that person and see if there are any discrepancies between what they say and do.
Stage Two: dangling a carrot
After studying their victim, a manipulator begins to dangle a carrot for their victim. Depending on what his victim wants, he will hint we will get married, I love you etc.
Stage three: diminish the victim
During this stage, manipulator-hard starts diminishing his victims and lowering their self-esteem. He may give negative compliments, such as you have beautiful eyes but your clothes don't suit you. Or he can start making jokes about your age, appearance etc.
He will promise to come and then come very late so that during the waiting time victim is in a state of worry, uncertainty, doubt.
"Needle"- Manipulator's hardcore trick
It's when a manipulator creates a situation when his victim feels very high emotions and then very low emotions in a very short period of time. My manipulator, Mister X kissed me and made love with me for 3 days, then one week later said that he got engaged with another woman.
When we experience strong dramatic emotions, our body memorises them and gets addicted to them. These dramatic ups and downs may be interpreted as "love", but it is only an adrenaline dependency.
Can I cure or change a manipulator?
The short answer is no. Manipulators never recognise that they manipulate and always blame victims. They use gas-lighting, etc.
If you have realised that you are with a manipulator, you face a choice: continue being a victim or start living your life without a manipulator.
If you continue being a victim of manipulation, this leads to health problems caused by the state of uncertainty, Adrenalin dependency, problems in business, very low self-esteem, and many others.
If you decide to separate yourself from a manipulator, remember, that he or she might want to come back to you only to bring more pain into your life. The best revenge for a manipulator is to be indifferent towards them. If a manipulator sees that you are successful - this is the best revenge.
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