159. 6 practical tools to develop confidence

I have studied this subject for a while, experimented, and observed myself and other people in different situations. I embodied them myself and that became a game changer for me.

I will share my findings about mastering self-confidence with you.

#1 Confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is an action
The more attempts and actions you made the more confident you will become at whatever you do. If you want to feel confident in public speaking deliver as many public speeches as possible to become confident at it. You can learn and then master public speaking with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

#2 Be persistent
Confidence cannot be developed overnight. It is a process of learning and repetition. In order to build confidence in a particular area of your life take consistent  steps toward mastery regularly. Do not allow big time gaps. If you do something once a month you will not become confident doing it. If you persist, then you will eventually achieve success.

#3 Do not get discouraged by failures
A road to mastery is not possible without failures. Admit this fact and treat each failure as a valuable lesson.

#4 Develop your values and stick to them
A person who has values has a foundation to stand on. If people try to make you compromise your values acknowledge that and say “no” to them. Do not betray your values.

#5 Take decisions confidently
In order to take decisions confidently first check your values and make sure your decision does not contradict them; secondly weigh up the pros and cons of taking the decision and not taking the decision; last but not least check your intuition. A good decision is one that is confirmed by your intuition, mind and heart.

#6 Be brave and do not hesitate
Allowing fear and hesitation to control you is a dead end. Fear will not allow you to act. Instead, be brave and act.

If you follow these techniques, you will have confidence that is manifested in high self-worth and actions leading to others respecting you.

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158. Stop sounding boring and depressing!

A good many of our students are high achievers and they want their speech to be sharp as a sword with which they conquer the world. They take our elocution lessons in order to feel confident to:
- run meetings,
- speak in front of a large international audience
- present sales pitches,
- dominate in political debates,
- speak in the High Court of Justice,
- create educational video courses in the world's top universities, and so on.

In other words, they want people to listen to them.

We first work on the clarity of their speech and help them master RP (Received Pronunciation, actors master RP in drama schools in order to play upper-class characters in classic plays).

However, intonation and inflection are even more important if you want to sound interesting so that others enjoy listening to you.
Here is just one example of how different patterns of inflection can be used.
Most of the time we would use a simple falling inflection at the end of a sentence. Within a sentence that has separate phrases, we would use a rising inflection at the end of each phrase and finish the sentence with a falling inflection. Here are a couple of examples:
“The plane, which is flying to America, was delayed.”
”The giant, who was called Bill, was very frightening.”

Using rising inflection where appropriate will make the speech much more interesting.

Usually, people sound really boring and even depressing if they constantly use simple falling inflection. What I have noticed is that often people from a particular culture have a habit of using simple falling most of the time (for example, in an authoritarian culture like Russia). When I asked them to say something in a different way (with simple rising inflection or circumflex rising) they told me they felt unnatural. Indeed, our intonation and inflection are influenced by the environment we grew up in. Often we outgrow or change our childhood environment and lift ourselves to the next level. Therefore, one might ask: is the way I speak fitting my current environment?

When we record our students’ speech they are often shocked to hear the way they sound. They want to do exercises that can help them sound more interesting.

I would like to share these exercises with you.
1. Listen to good RP speakers; a small section at a time, a minute long or less
2. Analysie their inflection and make a note of when it rises and when it falls
3. Copy them

To get rid of constantly using simple falling use this simple exercise: instead of telling people what to do ask them to do it, and instead of demanding ask for a favour. When we ask a question our inflection rises.

It will also be useful to get rid of negative words in your vocabulary. Think about how you can avoid sounding negative. For example, instead of saying "We had another slow day", just say what happened: "Today our sales reached the same levels as yesterday".

You can learn and practise intonation/inflection and voice modulation with the apps Fluent English Speech and  Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause. The functionality of the app where you can listen, repeat and compare is perfect for mastering the intonation.

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157. How can I enhance communication skills and foster solid interpersonal connections?

Interpersonal connections may be based on:

  1. Business interests

  2. Personal interests

It proved quite tricky to combine the two, however, there are cases when business and personal interests work well together.

I have analysed my friends with fantastic interpersonal skills and they have two things in common: they are positive and have empathy.

Communication skills are mastered our entire lives. There is always room for improvement if we want to foster solid interpersonal connections.

There are common rules that can help you do that if you observe them.

  1. Develop a genuine and sincere interest in another person. Try to understand what they want. Look a little further and dig a little deeper. Often an overconfident pushy person is hiding insecurities and a shy introvert may turn out to be a tower of strengths. Pay attention to details as the truth usually leaks through tiny details.

  2. When interacting smile, people like that.

  3. Communicate clearly and take into account your interests and the interests of others to reach a win-win scenario.

  4. Be honest in a diplomatic way.

  5. Think long-term when it comes to building relationships.

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156. Tips to improve public speaking skills and boost confidence

You can boost your confidence by realising that you are a unique human being and that your contribution to this world is welcomed. What you do and say matters and has value. Do not try to copy others, develop your own style, have fun and be happy.

What I have noticed is that people who lack confidence are not happy with their own physical appearance. Such people are often victims of the beauty industry and spend a fortune on plastic surgery and procedures.

By daring to be your natural self, having a haircut that you fancy but that may be not in fashion and clothes that others might find odd looking will boost your confidence; it will shout out “I don’t care what you think of me”.

Secondly, educate yourself and master the skills that you want to have and that might be of value to others. Monetise these skills and become prosperous. Money is a huge confidence booster.

To become a good public speaker work on straight posture, correct breathing, speech, voice, use of gestures, and visual aids to boost your presentations.

Here are a few public speaking tips :
1. Practise articulation exercises regularly. This will help you to have clear and crisp speech

2. Use pauses. It is one of the most effective means in public speaking; it separates ideas, creates a dramatic effect, creates anticipation and so much more.

3. Stress key messages. This technique helps to make your speech easy to listen to

155. How can I become better at small talk?

Small talk has three main purposes:

  1. It helps to break the ice and create a friendly atmosphere

  2. It is a great opportunity to size up the other person

  3. It is an opportunity to showcase your personality and social status in a subtle way

What can be discussed during a small talk? I would suggest something general, positive and relevant to the situation you are in. The topics of small talk could be weather, holidays, school, university, places, sports, music, art, shopping, etc.

What topics should be avoided during small talk? Topics that are controversial and those that might embarrass, offend or make people feel uncomfortable. Definitely religion, politics, and very private/personal things. Avoid talking about wars, your political preferences, judging people from different religions and cultural backgrounds, your diseases and sex life.

To get better at small talk I recommend that you smile and connect to a person on an emotional level by being understanding and sympathetic This will help another person feel comfortable and safe.

Another thing you can do is adjust yourself to another person and create a rapport. For example, if you are a PhD in Quantum Physics and you talk to a builder may be the topic of your dissertation is not the best way to break the ice! What would work better when you talk to a person try to find some common ground sport for example. Or, if you see that the other person looks very sad your laughter and a smile would feel odd. Perhaps, a neutral expression would work better. Be sensitive to people’s needs and feelings.

I recommend not rushing your speech and allowing space for pauses to make the talk relaxed and pleasant. Do not interrupt the other person, instead listen with full attention and nod along when appropriate. Connect with what was said and continue by saying something to support the other person.

Avoid arguing, and try not to appear superior. Let the other person shine.

How can you showcase yourself during the small talk? First of all by the way you speak and listen. If you boast and interrupt others it can only show a lack of manners. If your speech is bare and primitive that might imply a lack of education. People will understand that you have been properly educated if you use a rich vocabulary.

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154. How to prepare for a presentation?

We recommend that people who take our elocution lessons should practise their presentations in the following order:

  1. Write the structure of the presentation in key messages, introduction, body, and conclusion. For example:
    - in the introduction, you can greet your audience and say what your presentation is about;
    - in the body of the presentation you will discuss examples and statistics which support the topic and purpose of your presentation;
    - in the conclusion you will call for action.

  2. Read the presentation three times and then do an audio recording. Listen to your audio recording and make a note of your mistakes then practise again until you are satisfied with the results. It is very useful to perform articulation exercises with the app Get Rid of your Accent for a few days before your presentation.

  3. Finally, practise it in front of the mirror and make a video recording of yourself presenting

Practicing in front of the mirror is helpful for public speaking because you will be able to see how confident you look, and you will also see your posture and gestures. All three, confidence, posture, and gestures can support your presentation/speech or distract from it.

The main characteristics of bad posture are:

  1. Slouching

  2. Body tilted backward or forwards

  3. Lifted shoulders

  4. Looking down

  5. Toes pointing left and right, looking like a penguin

  6. Both toes pointing inside and heels pointing outside

  7. One shoulder is higher than the other

  8. Hunched back

  9. Humping on one leg

I recommend that you stay straight and create zigzag eye contact with your audience. Do not walk from one side of the room to another as it can be destructive. Just use zigzag eye contact with your audience. Download the app 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause to practise posture preparation, use of pause and voice modulation. These useful skills will make all your presentations much better.

Let's take a look at the gestures that are weakening your presence and your speech delivery.

1. Lack of gestures resulting from the stiffness of the body. Sometimes a person feels so nervous that they grab their speech in their hands and hold it during their entire presentation. This creates a closed body posture and shows a lack of confidence.

2. Scratching your head, nose or any part of the body can look a bit distracting and even inappropriate.

3. Trying to adjust your clothes, and moving a ring on your finger are also gestures that indicate that the person feels somewhat nervous.

4. Touching and trying to improve your hair shows that you are not sure of your looks and feel you are not confident enough.

5. Too many gestures and repetitive gestures show you are trying too hard to compensate for a lack of confidence.

I recommend using descriptive gestures. Think about how your gestures can help your audience absorb the information easily. Using visual aids is also very powerful and brings an element of play into your presentation.
Just 15 minutes before presenting, perform body relaxation exercises so that anxiety does not interfere with the smooth delivery of your presentation.

You can find out more tips for speech mastery and public speaking on www.batcsglobal.com

153. Active listening checklist

Empathetic listening or active involves listening not only to the content but also to how it is said. Nonverbal messages that a speaker is using can give you clues. The foundation of empathetic listening is a sincere interest in a person speaking.

The checklist of what not to do during active listening:

  1. Do not interrupt other’s speech

  2. Do not anticipate what will be said

  3. Do not finish a speaker's sentences

  4. Do not judge, observe what is being said and how it is being said

I recommend the following instructions if you want to master empathetic listening:

  1. Create eye contact with a speaker and look at them with empathy and a smile. People relax when you smile at them

  2. Observe the way a person speaks. Namely intonation, tone of voice, speech speed, loudness, etc. You can learn more about it in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level, and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

  3. Listen to the feelings and emotions behind words and voice, and respond to them appropriately

  4. Imagine that you are a psychotherapist who is talking to a patient and that you are paid for listening

  5. Allow a pause after what was said and connect with what was said

  6. Motivate yourself for active listening by knowing that a person who is listening is in a more powerful position than the one who speaks

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152. Learn to communicate your emotions and feelings

I have noticed that many of us were not educated to communicate emotions and feelings. Instead, we were taught "how to think right." In kindergarten, school, university and then at work, even in the family, we learned how to think and speak appropriately.

The thing is we are not robots; we are humans with feelings and emotions. In Western civilization, we learned how to neglect our feelings and just say "the right thing." We learned that expressing vulnerability is a weakness and that being tough is a real strength. Is it? I am not so sure about it.

We often communicate the feeling of frustration with anger and aggression. In England, where I live, it is very fashionable to express feelings in a passive-aggressive way. In other words, acting nicely but with hidden aggression. Is there a need to be aggressive or passive-aggressive? Is there a better way? How can we do it differently?

Where does the aggression come from? In my opinion, the basis of aggression is judgment. What often happens is we see that someone breaks "a rule" that we expected he/she should observe, and we are quick to judge and then may even attack that person. We evaluate, judge and attack.

What if we stop evaluating and simply observe? Instead of judging, we start observing other people's speech and observing our own reaction to it and what feelings and emotions we have at that moment. This process takes time. If we do this exercise on a regular basis it will become automatic. It will substitute our reactive/aggressive responses to communicating our observations in a calm, measured way. When communicating, it is much better if we look at the person with compassion rather than with judgment.

Observation is neutral, whilst judgment is negative. When we feel negative, our body reacts in a certain way: we get tense, become stiff, and shorten breathing. By pausing, relaxing your body and breathing correctly you will help yourself to communicate your emotions as observations.

Many students who take our elocution lessons often tell us that they want to become more confident. Feeling confident is expressed by your body language, voice and words. The key to confidence is calmness, feeling relaxed and at the same time in control of your emotions.

You can find useful breathing exercises and how you can use your intonation and voice to express different feelings and emotions in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advanced Level and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

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151. The gift of the gab

On a daily basis I receive the same question from my audience: How can I be good at conversation? Indeed, not all people have a natural ability to speak easily and confidently so others want to listen to them and believe them. Some people find it easy but others are daunted by it and often just do not know how to make a conversation flow. Nevertheless, there are certain techniques we can use in order to master the art of conversation.

  1. When meeting a person ( you know) smile and initiate a conversation by saying something neutral or pleasant. For example: “Hello, good to see you.” What matters more is not what you say, but how you say it. Use friendly intonation and an upbeat tone of voice.

  2. Choose a topic of conversation that is interesting not only for you but also for the person you are talking to.

  3. Ask open-ended questions and let the other person open up and talk more. For example: What do you think of this class?

  4. Speak clearly in a concise way with pauses; avoid rushed speech; project your voice, and articulate well.

  5. Listen first, do not interrupt, wait for a tiny pause, and connect with what was said. Add your own thoughts by saying for example: ”I agree, this is what happened to me that confirms your point…” The best conversationalists are not those who speak a lot, but those who are good listeners.

  6. Speak in an interesting way so others listen to you. I believe, that the basis of an interesting speech is an interesting personality. A personality who has a purpose and passion in life, a curious and open-minded person who is eager to learn about the world. Such people love self-education and never stop learning. I think we can all agree that a closed person with limited interests and an uneventful life can hardly become a fascinating conversationalist. Such people usually talk about trivial things (eg. what they ate for breakfast, lunch or dinner. etc.)

  7. Do not complain. When we feel frustrated we might want to unload our frustration and talk about it to others which is ok. But some people complain all the time and they suck you into this depressing conversation so that after a while you feel low yourself. It is good to share, but some people think that sharing the worst experiences, complaining and whining is the key to a meaningful conversation. What would be better is to concentrate on the positive and share it with others.

  8. Do not bulk yourself up at the expense of others. Sophisticated people may interpret the desire to dominate a conversation and prove to be better than others as a lack of self-esteem. When we domineer others we receive pleasurable hormones which are addictive. This feature, however, does not contribute to a pleasant flow of conversation. Do not make others feel small, make them feel big and that will make you a bigger person.

  9. Modulate your voice. Avoid speaking in a monotonous way and sounding like a robot. I have noticed that not all people know or want to express their emotions. I agree that we have to control some of our emotions (eg, anger, hatred, disgust) to be civil, but I do not agree with the popular opinion that not showing emotions at all is a tremendous strength. As a result, we have some people who are too cool to be happy.
    Actors use voice modulation and changes in inflections to show different emotions which they master in drama schools. You can master it too with a book, apps, and a video course:
    The book: Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level,
    Apps: Fluent English Speech, 4Ps, Power,Pitch,Pace,Pause,
    Video course: Get Rid of your Accent Part Two

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150. Annoying speech patterns

  1. Going round in circles
    It is so annoying when a person says something and then repeats it again and again. It is rather tiring when someone cannot stop expressing one idea and keeps repeating it endlessly. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather stupid.

  2. Beating about the bush
    I know people who can speak for a long time and not really say much. Such speech lacks concreteness and sounds lightweight. My friend calls such speakers “cappuccino people”. Such speech makes the speaker sound rather shallow.

  3. Monotonous speech
    Monotonous speech is so boring. As a result, listeners switch off very quickly. It also makes a speaker sound rather dull. The monotonous speech also lacks emotion and the speaker may sound like a robot. Actors learn how to modulate their voice in drama schools. You can master voice modulation with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level which is based on drama school training.

  4. Rushed speech
    The human brain absorbs information slower than someone transforms it which is why rushed speech is difficult to follow. During our elocution lessons, we teach our students how to slow down the pace of the speech and use pauses in order to make their speech easy and interesting to listen to.

  5. Paracite-words such as “eeeh”, “em”, “like”, “basically”, “you know”, “so”, etc.
    People often use parasite words to connect sentences and speak in paragraphs. When the speaker does not make pauses between sentences and speaks in paragraphs listeners cannot concentrate after the first idea and switch off. The full stop was invented to separate sentences and ideas. The pause between them allows listeners to absorb one idea at a time and get ready for the next one. You can practise this with our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level.

  6. Wooly speech that lacks clarity
    Such speech creates a considerable disadvantage for both the speaker and the listener. The speaker is perceived as uneducated and lacking confidence and the listener is frustrated as he/she cannot understand what is said. To overcome wooly speech start articulation exercises with our bestselling book Get Rid of your Accent Part One .

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149. Non-verbal communication

Nonverbal messages are far more powerful than verbal and paying attention to details is the key when creating one’s image/brand as well as understanding other people.

Eye contact and facial expressions are very powerful tools for non-verbal communication. You can express happiness, sadness, confidence, fear, surprise, and a full range of emotions with your eyes, lips, and mouth.

Your posture and the way your walk speaks louder than words. People with good posture look powerful, graceful and confident. Bad posture is associated with old age and a low spirit.
In our book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two we talk about posture preparation as part of working on your voice power.

Gestures are an important part of non-verbal communication. Lack of gestures may be seen as stiffness of the body and show a lack of confidence. Scratching your head or any part of the body can look a bit simple and demonstrate a lack of upbringing. Touching and trying to improve your hair may show that you are not sure of your looks and feel you are not enough. Too many gestures and repetitive gestures may imply that you are trying too hard to compensate for a lack of confidence.

People can learn to use gestures to their advantage. Empathic gestures such as nodding your head show that you hear another person and understand them. This also can be added with the appropriate tone of voice and intonation. You can master it with the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level.

Finally, clothes, shoes, hair, nails, jewelry and makeup are also part of non-verbal communication. When clothes look clean, expensive and tastefully put together they communicate wealth, culture and status, whilst dirty, smelly clothes with holes reveal the opposite picture.

It is vital that verbal messages and properly supported and enhanced by nonverbal clues to create a credible presence and powerful messages.

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147. What should I do to improve my listening skills fast?

I recommend the following daily practices:

  1. Make an effort to not interrupt a person speaking. Often, when we talk to others, we do not have the patience to listen. We hear a few words and very quickly we start anticipating what the other person will say. We even try to finish their sentences which is not very helpful, particularly for the person who is talking

  2. Pay attention to people and understand who you are speaking to. Try to answer the following questions. What do they want? What is bothering them?

  3. Pay attention to people’s intonation and voice. Is it sad or happy? Does the person sound confident or hesitant?

  4. Avoid commenting, judging or advising regarding what you listening about.

  5. Listen and engage your mind and heart

  6. Reduce your speaking time.

    I noticed that if one has a tendency to talk a lot it takes quite an effort to control this urge. It will take time, effort and mastery to possess the art of keeping silent and saying less than necessary.

I practice simple techniques to overcome my urge to talk a lot:

  1. When planning a day I make a written note that programs me to reduce my speaking time by 80%

  2. I make an effort to engage in active listening

  3. I wear a bracelet that reminds me that I should control my urge to speak a lot

  4. Instead of speaking, I use eye contact and other body language signs to interact with others, I let others speak more

  5. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary and I try to keep silent otherwise.

  6. Before saying anything I ask myself: is it necessary? how it can be interpreted? what are the dangers and consequences of my words?

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146. How can developing your communication skills lead to financial opportunities?

The primary purpose of communication is to understand others and be understood. There are additional purposes as well such as informing, persuading, selling, introducing yourself to others, inspiring, entertaining, etc.
There are different situations where communication is a key tool.
People who take our elocution lessons prepare for their job interviews, presenting to potential investors, court performances (as barristers), negotiations, teaching, etc. I have noticed one thing in common among our students: they are all high achievers who need good communication skills.

People who buy our books and apps and take our elocution lessons and course tell us their reasons why they need good communication skills. Here are just a few.

  1. They lack confidence when presenting

  2. They feel that their colleagues do not always understand what they are saying and it can be disruptive and even frustrating at work.

  3. They are not invited to meetings and they cannot chair projects because of difficult-to-understand speech

  4. They are not getting promoted and as a result, do not have a pay rise

  5. They cannot get higher-paid jobs where they need to present, chair meetings and discussions

After our elocution lessons and practising with our books and apps their speech and life changed for the better:

  1. They feel confident when speaking and become successful at work

  2. They get better jobs and their salary increases

  3. They enjoy their work more including chairing meetings, presenting and speaking in public

To date, we have five books and nine iOS and nine Android apps plus two video courses for speech mastery. If you master your communication skills you will be able to get jobs, build successful business relations and grow your business.

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144. Effective ways to improve communication in a romantic relationship

Romantic relationships differ from business and friend relationships. Business relationships are based on making a business successful. Friendship is based on respect and mutual interests. Romantic relationships are based on attraction and feelings.

Quite often, when the spark is gone a romance transforms into a friendship. I heard that after a few years, husbands love their wives as sisters. The romance is gone and they are looking for other options because feeling romantic is beautiful.

I will express my opinion which is based on my experience and the life stories I witnessed myself. I will start with rules and follow how you communicate these rules in your romantic relationships.

Rule #1

The real attraction happens when we are authentic. The moment you try for others to like you and change yourself you immediately lose. In order to stay attractive be yourself. Avoid changing yourself to just please others.

Rule #2

Respect your space and do not allow even the loved ones too close. That is not to say being cold. It is about keeping certain things just to yourself. Do not be an open book.

Rule#3

Respect your time and do not allow others to steal it from you, even your loved ones. Your time is the most valuable resource you have.

Rule #4

Be independent and have a mission, work and hobby. Do not dilute yourself in the romance.

Rule #5

Work on your allure. Be erotic.

Practical recommendations

In romantic relationships body language plays the main role. I will start with how to communicate in an erotic, alluring way. The key is eye contact. Look at your romantic partner with desire. Do not shy away, do not look elsewhere, and keep eye contact with your man/woman. The expression in your eyes will be louder than words.

Touch your partner with love, care and passion. Many people claim they are not touchy-feely. Well, this is not helpful in a romance. Touch can be so much more powerful than words.

You can also communicate with your choice of clothes and perfume, the way you walk and the way you move your body. Move slowly, and have open body language and a beautiful smile.

In romantic communication the way you say it outweighs what you say. Normally, I would suggest a slow pace, not too loud a voice and not too many words.

However, there can be situations in romantic relationships when you can feel angry. I say we should not be afraid to show our true feelings. I think shouting is perfectly normal. As long as it can end in a romantic way.

Avoid talking too much about trivial things, and your health problems. Watch an erotic film, or go to a gallery or theatre instead. Avoid looking scruffy. Do not groom yourself in front of your partner. Look and smell nice, always ready to be intimate. Avoid over-planning. Be spontaneous.

The biggest enemy of a romantic relationship is being too much in your head, overthinking, analysing, expecting and predicting.

Instead, switch off your brain and go into your feelings and sensations; smell, hear, taste and look and enjoy them to the full.

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143. Why leaders should talk less and listen more

One of the most important tasks of a leader is to make decisions. To make good decisions leaders need information from others. The more silent they are, the more they are able to hear. Active listening without interrupting will enable leaders to notice finer details, particularly if they pay attention to the intonation and voice. They will also be able to notice nonverbal or body language signals, gather valuable information and have a bigger picture of a situation. That will be useful for making better decisions.

The second task of a leader is to lead people of different abilities, identify their strengths and use these strengths successfully. Active listening does help understand people better.

Finally, not giving away too much and being economical with words is a very useful tool in establishing a powerful position, particularly in negotiation, business meetings with rivals, etc. “The person who cannot control his words shows he cannot control himself and therefore unworthy of respect” (Don Corleone, Godfather). If one wants to assume a position of power he/she should always say less than necessary.

According to R. Greene, “The game of power is in many ways the game of appearances. When you say less than necessary you inevitably appear more powerful than you are which is the key to establishing the aura of power”. How does saying less than necessary gives you an advantage? R. Greene suggests that “your silence will make other people uncomfortable. Humans are machines of interpretation and explanation, they have to know what you are thinking. When you carefully control what you reveal people cannot pierce your intentions or your meaning”.

Remember, if you are in a leading position, your words are extremely powerful and every word counts. Once the words are out you cannot take them back. They can be used for you or against you. Your brief answers and silence will put people on the defensive and they will be trying to fill the gaps you left with all sorts of comments that might reveal valuable information about them and their weaknesses. Moreover, when people try to share as much information as possible they often say things that are not appropriate for the context and may appear silly as a result.

I personally have noticed that keeping silent is hard and in order to make myself comfortable I may start making small talk and if the other person is not saying much I feel weak, I try to talk more and say things I do not really need to say. In this situation, I make myself desperate for approval. I feel like people who use silence with me rob me of my power.

I noticed that if one tends to talk a lot it takes quite an effort to control this urge. It will take time, effort and mastery to possess the art of keeping silent and saying less than necessary.

I practice simple techniques to overcome my urge to talk a lot:

  1. When planning a day I make a written note that programs me to reduce my speaking time by 80%

  2. I make an effort to engage in active listening

  3. I wear a bracelet that reminds me that I should control my urge to speak a lot

  4. Instead of speaking, I use eye contact and other body language signs to interact with others, I let others speak more

  5. I speak only when it is absolutely necessary and I try to keep silent otherwise.

  6. Before saying anything I ask myself: is it necessary? how it can be interpreted? what are the dangers and consequences of my words?

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142. What are some tips for improving public speaking and presentation skills?

In my opinion, the qualities that are important for a public speaker and presenter are :

1. Good straight posture which creates a confident image

2. Great eye contact which the audience

3. Good articulation and clear speech

4. Good voice projection so that people could hear him/her

5. Ability to explain his/her topic in an accessible simple way so that people with different abilities can understand it

6. Ability to structure the speech and prioritise the important points to fit the set time

7. Ability to ask questions that encourage audience to interact with the speaker

I would like to give the following recommendations for a public speaker and presenter:

1. Avoid parasite words, swear words, and fillers like “so, you know, basically, like, em, ah”. People use these words when they are thinking and speaking at the same time. Simply substitute these unnecessary words with pauses

2. Use pauses to separate your ideas, do not say all of them in one breath and allow your students to digest one idea at a time. If you speak without pauses, your student

3. Speak about profound things using simple language

4. Get to the point. Avoid beating about the bush

5. Do not jump from one topic to another, use logic and finish one thought at a time.

6. Ask questions and let students do the talking

7. Download apps, books and video courses to master your speech and public speaking skills

iOS Apps: (the same apps are available on Google Play)

1. ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech (British English)‎

2. American Accent App and Fluent American Speech (General American English)‎

3. ‎‎Business English Speech‎

4. Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

5 Paperback, Kindle and Audio books to master English:

1. Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Pronunciation and Speech Training Manual

2. Advanced Level (Pt. 2) (Get Rid of Your Accent: The English Speech Training Manual)

3. Get Rid of Your Accent for Business: The English Pronunciation and Speech

4. GET RID OF YOUR ACCENT, PART ONE AND TWO: GENERAL AMERICAN SPEECH TRAINING MANUAL, Second Edition

2 Video Courses to master English speech:

Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two

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141. How can you improve your negotiation skills?

Here is advice from my personal experience which might help you to master your negotiation skills.

  1. Setting clear goals you want to achieve as a result of a negotiation and writing down your strategy for achieving them.

  2. Projecting power, leadership and credible image. Avoid sounding greedy, be honest and straight. Be in control of your urges to talk too much.

  3. Active listening and tuning into your negotiation partner, paying attention to the intonation and voice; understanding their needs and aspirations. This is different from passive listening where you hear the speaker but fail to retain the information. The more silent you are the more you are able to hear.

  4. Communicating clearly and to the point to keep your audience’s attention. This skill is particularly important when speaking on the phone. You can achieve this skill by performing speech exercises with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and Fluent English Speech.

  5. Thinking bigger. Often, when negotiating, each party is striving to get the biggest “slice of the pie” possible. If one party gets more then the other will get less. To break free of this traditional idea of negotiation, experts suggest shifting your goals from growing your slice to growing the whole pie. In this case, each party can get more than expected. Moreover, it will create the grounds for establishing rapport and trust for future business deals and collaborations. based on a win-win scenario

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140. Can speaking positively help someone develop a positive mindset?

The short answer is yes, it will help. The most important factor in creating a positive mindset is working on fostering a positive attitude. A positive attitude then is supported by using positive vocabulary.

Let me explain how it works. When you speak you program yourself and a positive talk will create not only a positive mindset but also positive events in your life.

By talking positively your focus will be on positive things thus you will magnify good things and create your own positive reality.

There are several realities that take place at the same time starting from the most negative like war, death, fear, and to the most positive like feeling optimistic, falling in love and enjoying peace.

One person who tends to talk about negative things and use negative language might find him/herself feeling sad, fearful and at a low energy level.

Another person who is optimistic and who wants to discuss successes and victories, beauty and prosperity will be at a high energy level which will be instrumental in bringing great things into his/her life.

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