178. The most effective way to learn a foreign language

I have decided to learn Spanish. In this article, I will share with you the most effective way to learn a foreign language. I'll use Spanish and Italian as my examples. Because I already speak Italian and I learned it fast. I speak five languages and my BA degree is in Languages. I will preach what I practice.

Number one: to learn the language fast we must have the purpose and the motivation to do it.

For example, my main motivation for learning Spanish is that want to live in Spain during the winter period because I cannot stand English winters. So instead of misery and drizzly English winter, I want to experience Valencia's sunshine, swimming in the sea and watching the sunset whilst looking at the mountains.

My second motivation is to spend time with my friends there some of them cannot speak English well. If I speak Spanish I will have fun at parties with my friends.

So if I am going to spend my winters in Spain I would need to buy a sim card, buy food in a supermarket, I might be using a train. I will go horse riding and dancing there. So what I am going to do?  I am going to write a list of topics where I would need to speak Spanish: supermarket, mobile phone shop, train station. I would gather vocabulary for these topics. I will write it down in my exercise book.

Now to a boring part. I cannot proceed without learning by heart the structure of basic Spanish grammar. I know I must learn by heart the conjugation of important verbs such as “to be, “to have”, to go” with pronouns; past, present, and future tenses; numbers, measurements, days of the week, months of the year, and so on. So I am going to invest 4 weeks to learn the structure of Spanish by heart, not more than that because it would be too boring.

So instead of overinvesting in grammar I would buy audio books and listen to them when driving. This is what I did when I learned Italian. I would listen to a detective story several times. The first time I just understood the main idea, when I listened to the same book the second time I understood more details and more words, and then as I progressed I could understand everything. There are books for different levels of language: beginners, intermediate and advanced. I will start with a beginner’s level.

On top of that, I will arrange with my Spanish friend to speak in Spanish for 5-10 minutes every day and in return, or exchange I will speak English with her for 10 minutes. I will practice my topics with her. It should be every day not once in a blue moon.

To summarise: to learn to speak in a foreign language we must have great motivation and purpose to do it, learn the basic structure/grammar by heart, listen to audiobooks, and speak every day.

Is that too much? Well, I have some advice for you: I want you to forget everything  I said and just get a pillow dictionary instead.

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177. How can I improve my English as a non-native speaker?

For all who wish to improve their English as a non-native speaker, I want to recommend six techniques:

1. Stop learning English, and start speaking it by repeating three new useful phrases several times a day. Your speech organ muscles will get used to English, you will enlarge your vocabulary and gain the confidence to speak. Repeating, repeating and repeating, like parrots!

2. Reduce the time speaking in your native language and increase the time you speak in English.

3. Listen to English TV and Radio channels, make a note of phrases you hear and repeat them five times several times a day. In the past, I met Greeks, Dutch, Danish, Swedish and their English was advanced. Guess what these countries have in common: English TV channels that are not translated into their native language. Listen to audiobooks in the series Get Rid of your Accent from Audible, or download our apps: get rid of your accent uk1 and Fluent English Speech. All audio tracks were recorded by trained actors, just listen and repeat after them. There are also accompanying video courses Get Rid of your Accent Part 1 and Get rid of your Accent Part 2.

4. Practice 15–45 minutes with the apps
The most useful tool for learning English is the app Elocution Lessons. You will master the most commonly used words and phrases, verses and passages with correct pronunciation and perfect use of English. You can listen, record yourself and then compare your speech with the model - all in one app.

5. Write 8–10 sentences a day on a particular topic

6. Read a short article in English 3 times out loud (250 words)

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176. Self-Motivation to raise your standards

Last Monday, on 8 January 2024 I went to my public speaking club Grosvenor Squire Toastmasters (TM). It is the oldest TM club in London. I love this club. However, I was somewhat disappointed by the quality of the speeches and speakers. The speeches were about trivia and delivered in bad English and in a boring way. Speakers talked about cycling, running, and driving. I am sorry but that was neither inspiring nor interesting. I found them rather shallow and lacking depth and meaning. I had a feeling that people did not make an effort in self-presentation and did not work enough to make their speeches more interesting. They just showed up and did them.

I vividly remember the first time I attended a meeting in this club in January 2004, twenty years ago. It was a different standard: eloquent speakers in elegant clothes, interesting speeches. I was learning a lot just by attending the meeting.

I cannot help noticing that with the introduction of smartphones, tablets, and endless types of social media and messengers, also as a result of COVID-19, people changed. The main change I see is many people suffer from informational obesity. They consume plenty of information and do little with it; that in turn makes them lazier and unmotivated to do anything. The performance standards are dropped. Many are fooled that life is happening on Instagram.

My question is: where will it all end? The lazier and the less motivated people are the poorer they will become.

Where do we go from here? How do we meet new challenges and get out of this situation smelling of roses? My answer is conscious living coupled with self-motivation.
Firstly, I want to share with you my actions about how I manage my resources and space:

  1. Become conscious of time
    I record the time I spend on messengers and social media and limit it to a maximum of one hour a day. I know people can spend the entire day in messengers.

  2. Become conscious about information consumption
    Instead of watching and reading I produce blogs and YouTube videos and prepare speeches. In other words, produce myself.

  3. Become conscious about money and your space
    Recently I bought a wonderful teapot for just £10 in a second-hand shop. I felt lucky as in Harrods it would cost £300. Instead of consuming I declutter and make more space. They say the more things you have the more time you spend managing them.

Secondly, how can we motivate ourselves to achieve prosperity and happiness and live to our full potential? Here is what I want to practice:

  1. Keeping high standards of self-presentation and self-image

  2. Being active physically outdoors

  3. Listening to music that makes me move and do something

  4. Communicating with high-energy people

  5. Write down a list of tasks for each day to achieve my weekly, monthly, and yearly goals. Develop the muscles of doing as opposed to passive consumption.

  6. Ask yourself: what is the meaning of my life? What do I contribute to this world? What is my legacy?

  7. Write a list of goals you want to achieve in the course of your life

  8. Ask yourself: what can make me a better human being?

I want to know how you motivate yourself.
Look forward to hearing from you

Yours
Olga Smith
www.batcsglobal.com

175. Are we born confident? If not, can we ever become truly confident?

We are born with a certain prevailing temperament:

There are four types of temperament:
1. Sanguine (optimistic, social, and associated with the element of air)
2. Melancholic (analytical, quiet, earth)
3. Choleric (short-tempered, irritable, fire)
4. Phlegmatic (relaxed, peaceful, water)

Some temperaments may appear to be stronger and therefore more confident.

Confidence is an action. When you were a little child you did not have the confidence to walk. After many tries and falls you have learned how to walk. Then you did not know how to lace up your shoes and your mom did for you, but then you learned how to do it.

If you want to develop confidence in a certain area just learn and practice to become confident at doing it. Confidence is not the same as perfection. You can do something confidently but not perfectly. For example, I was afraid to speak in public but after delivering 25 speeches I became confident at doing it. Now I can speak in front of a large audience.

I know people who are confident in business but lack confidence in romantic relationships. When they meet a woman they act like clueless geeks and cannot get anywhere with her. The reason for that is that they devote all their time to managing projects/people to achieve the bottom line by a deadline. Becoming confident in relationships requires different skills and practices: listening to and hearing your partner, studying what they like and do not like, and so on.

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174. How to achieve good, fluent, educated English?

Listen to good English speakers such as Boris Johnson, Stephen Fry, etc. Listen to their speeches and copy the way they speak. For example, Boris Johnson knows how he can deliver a strong message and be heard with the use of specific, powerful, and colourful adjectives and adverbs that add strength, meaning, and urgency:

"profoundly optimistic"
"insidiously programmed"
"a deep human instinct"
"astounding achievement"
"deeply and dangerously wrong"
"vital task"
"overriding anxiety"
”colossal character”

Read classics. References to classic literature will add depth to your words and meanings.

Read poetry. Reciting poetry will immensely enrich your vocabulary. I recommend that you memorise new words, phrases and metaphors in the context, then try to use them in your speech. Aesthetics, colourful language, compactness of expression, and the use of metaphor make poetry a source of interesting expressions.

Remember, how you say it is even more important than what you say. Modulate your voice, stress key messages, and use pauses this will help you to achieve good educated speech. ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.
I also recommend the app Business English Speech. It contains 43 lessons from the book Get Rid of your Accent for Business, Part Three, ISBN 9780955330025. It works best with an accompanying video course. This app was designed for top-level professionals, diplomats and lawyers. With this app, you will practice sophisticated English expressions and RP.

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173. How do I increase my confidence when I speak on stage?

There are several practical tools:

1.       When you walk to the stage breathe deeply, and walk at a normal pace with a straight back. Avoid rushing.

2.       Once you are on the stage smile and use open body language, open your hands, and greet the audience, again do not slouch, stay straight.

3.       Create eye contact with your audience. Here is some interesting advice from a popular performer: If you are a man look at women as if you want to have sex with every woman in the room.

4.       Start your speech with a loud voice; stress keywords and use pauses.

5.       Avoid rushed speech. Articulate well.

You can master these skills with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

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172. Who's more eloquent Stephen Fry or Russell Brand?

Stephen Fry is more eloquent. Russell Brand is very witty but he has speech inadequacies, he does not know how to articulate the /r/ sound as in ”red”; he produces this sound using lips and pronounces /w/ instead of /r/. He would say “wed, wed woses” instead of “red, red roses”.

Speech organs position for the English /r/ sound:
The tip of the tongue curls back slightly in the roof of the mouth, just behind the alveolar ridge, and the breath squeezes past whilst the tongue is still and not vibrating.

There are other pronunciations of the letter "r" or sound /r/:
In other languages, the letter "r" is pronounced differently from English.
For example, the French vibrate the tongue towards the back of the mouth.
Russians, however slightly vibrate the tip of the tongue very quickly as the breath passes through.

In our experience of teaching speech, the English /r/sound is particularly difficult for Japanese and Chinese students. They often pronounce the /r/ sound using their lips and the result is the /r/ sound replaced with a /w/. Russell Brand does the same.

Tips to pronounce the /r/ sound correctly:

·        Do not vibrate your tongue, keep your tongue still

·        Do not use the lips to pronounce /r/

·        Practice lesson 41 and articulation tongue exercises with our apps Get Rid of your Accent UK1, Elocution Lessons and Business English Speech.

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171. How effective are the accent reduction training programs?

The answer to this question depends on three factors:

  1. The teacher’s competence and work experience

  2. The student’s ability to hear the differences in sounds and the amount of time and effort he/she is putting into the accent reduction process

  3. The quality of training material: books, apps, video courses

Which teachers to choose?
Accent reduction should be taught by a qualified speech tutor (in the past speech tutors were called elocution teachers). A qualified speech tutor knows how sounds are produced in the mouth, the exact position of the tongue, lips and jaw for a particular sound. This is the key. To achieve the best results book a few elocution lessons.

What is expected of a student?
To reduce an accent one must substitute old habits of speaking with new ones which takes time and effort. It is a process. Usually, we recommend mastering a sound minimum for a week. Some sounds are easier and some may take longer to master. For example, /w/ sound does not exist in Russian. It is produced with lips going forward in a tight whistle and requires certain lip muscles. If the muscles are not trained it might take a while to train them to produce an energised /w/ sound. It’s a bit like going to the gym. If I tell you to go to the gym and come with a six-pack after one session you know that it will not happen. It is important to practice regularly, every day for 15-45 minutes rather than two hours once a week.

How to practice? Which books and apps to use?
I recommend that you download professional accent reduction apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English).
There is also an Elocution Lessons app to master essential English and a Business English Speech app that contains business vocabulary (both are for British English).
All the above apps have accompanying video courses, Get Rid of your Accent Part One and Get Rid of your Accent Part Two.

It is also a good idea to listen to good RP speakers, copy a section at a time, and record yourself.

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170. How to introduce a speaker

This blog post is useful for people who participate in public speaking events and social gatherings.
To introduce a speaker is a very important task. If you do it right you will make yourself popular.

  1. The main principle to follow is to showcase the speaker's best qualities and talk very highly of his/her achievements, mentioning their awards, work and other contributions. Do your homework and find out the facts about the speaker.

  2. Learn how to pronounce their name correctly and articulate it well when calling the person.

  3. When calling the presenter smile, use a loud voice and upward inflections because it will make you sound optimistic and energetic. Maintain a straight posture and good eye contact with the audience. When the presenter comes to the stage shake his/her hand and make eye contact with him/her.

  4. It would be fantastic to ask the audience to clap: “Let’s give a round of applause to our next speaker Simon Bird.”

  5. Stress the most important words by saying them louder.
    Below is an example of an introduction; I put the most important words in italic font:
    “It is a great owner to introduce our next speaker, Simon Bird. Simon has a Ph.D. in Politics and is a Nobel Prize winner. It is impossible to overestimate his contributions to human rights in this country. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give our warm welcome and a round of applause to Simon Bird!”

You can master the skills of presenting and more with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

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169. Soft skills for success

  1. Communication and public speaking
    With new technology developments and then isolation caused by COVID-19 many people complain to me that they do not communicate much. I say: say “yes” to life; do not avoid communication; be open and flexible with people. Have fun and enjoy speaking in public and in meetings. You can find useful tips on this topic at www.batcsglobal.com

  2. Leadership
    One can be a born leader (like me for example :-). To be a strong leader you need to:
    - develop assertiveness and decisiveness;
    - practise taking responsibility; the majority of people would like to get rid of responsibilities, and leaders will take it; remember that the person who is in charge takes it all.
    - be active, express your ideas, initiate, and be in charge of bringing these ideas to fruition.
    - develop a sincere interest in other people.

  3. Delegate and build a team around you
    Do not do everything by yourself or else you will not get far;
    Find the best people in their field;
    Opt only for an A-class talent if you want the best results.

  4. Innovate and be creative
    Do not do the same things in the same way for years.
    Be open to new ways of doing things;
    Be spontaneous.

  5. Time management and planning
    Ask yourself questions:
    - What benefits am I getting in doing this thing right now?
    - If I was not doing this could I do something more useful?
    Think about the long-term consequences of doing something for a while.
    Distribute your time according to your individual energy levels. Make sure you do not overwork and allow time for resting.

  6. Constant improvement
    Constantly think: how can you improve what you are doing already?
    Analyze your results, identify your mistakes, and make a plan for improvements.
    Conduct PEST Analysis: analyse political, economic, social and technological developments and see how your business can benefit from them.

  7. Self-motivation
    Get inspired by the greatness of others.
    Do sports daily.
    Listen to music that drives you.
    Never settle for boredom.

  8. What is the meaning of your business, its mission and vision
    Answer the following questions:
    How does your business improve our world and the lives of people?
    What impact you and your business will have on future generations?
    Is it moral or immoral?

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168. How do you deal with people who don't communicate directly ?

As Oscar Wilde once said: “The first duty in life is to be as artificial as possible.  What the second duty is no one has as yet discovered.” In English-speaking, Anglo-Saxon culture people see directness as a form of aggression, and being polite is above being sincere. It is absolutely vital to pay attention to subtle details of communication. Learn and understand these subtleties if you would like to build good business and social connections.

I recommend the following instructions if you want to master the art of subtle communication:

Master your listening skills

  1. Create eye contact with a speaker and look at them with empathy and a smile. People relax when you smile at them

  2. Observe the way a person speaks. Namely intonation, tone of voice, speech speed, loudness, etc. You can learn more about it in the book Get Rid of your Accent Part Two, Advance Level, and the apps Fluent English Speech and 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

  3. Learn to read between the lines and pay close attention to words, voice, intonation, and facial expressions. Listen to the feelings and emotions behind words and voice, and respond to them appropriately

  4. Imagine that you are a psychotherapist who is talking to a patient and that you are paid for listening

  5. Allow a pause after what was said and connect with what was said

Work on your messages

  1. Substitute negative words with euphemisms, for example instead of saying “poor” say “not bad”, instead of saying “I disagree” say “maybe I understand it differently”, and so on

  2. Avoid giving orders, ask or request instead, for example, instead of saying “Do it!” say “Would you like to do it for me, please?”, and so on

  3. Use a friendly tone of voice and intonation even when speaking about something difficult. You can master it with the app ‎Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause

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167. Self-Motivation

Advice #1
Fall in love!
Fall in love with another person! Psychologists suggest that we humans are run by our libido.
Fall in love with a country! Start learning a new foreign language in order to feel comfortable in this country.
Fall in love with yourself!

Advice #2
Make a list of things to do every day. Start with doing very simple things: make your bed, clean your shoes, etc. After you have done simple things praise and reward yourself with something nice. Have a beautiful “me” time.

Advice #3
Do a full health check-up and make sure your health is ok. If necessary see a psycho-therapist as you might be suffering from depression and a good doctor will give medicine that can help you increase your serotonin level for example.

Advice#4
Start doing sports outdoors on a regular basis. It can be a power walk, a run or a stretch. Look at the sun and receive sun energy.

Advice#5
Make a list of things that will happen to you if you do not do anything. Imagine this picture vividly.
After that make a long list of things that you like about this world and life in general and go on a sea holiday for 7 days.

Advice#6
Believe in yourself and that everything will be great. Pray!

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166. Voiced and unvoiced sounds in English

It is very important to distinguish between voiced and unvoiced sounds in English due to two reasons:

  1. To be aware of the difference

  2. To be understood

All vowels and diphthongs are voiced.

Unvoiced sounds are easier to pronounce because they are made with breath only:
[s] soup, [p] pick, [t] tick, [k] kick, [tʃ] church., [ʃ] shoe, [f] fan, [θ] think.

When pronouncing voiced sounds extra effort is required because they are made with vibrations of vocal cords: [z] zoo, [b] bubble, [d] dog, [g] giggle, [dʒ] George, [ʒ] rouge, [v] van, [ð] that, [l] lock, [m] meter, [n] nun, [ŋ] king.
Because an extra effort is required, many students substitute voiced consonants with their unvoiced partners, particularly at the end of the word. Moreover, in some languages, for example, German and Russian it is not a pronunciation mistake to substitute a voiced consonant with its unvoiced partner: “dog” may sound like “dok”, or “bed” like “bet”. In English, as you can see from these examples, the meaning of the word changes if you do not observe voiced consonants.

In English, plurals and past tense are identified by word endings.
Rule: If the sound before the ending is unvoiced, then the ending will be unvoiced too. If the sound before the ending is voiced, then the ending will be voiced.:
Plurals: cats /s/, kicks /s/, dogs /z/, beds /z/
Past tense: kicked /t/, picked /t/, begged /d/, dragged /d/

It is rather difficult to pronounce consonants at the end of the word in English for some nationalities such as Spanish and Chinese. They tend not to pronounce the ending at all. This creates an impression that they do not know English grammar, namely how to create plurals and past tense. Because of that, their speech may sound uneducated.

We recommend practicing voiced and unvoiced consonants with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English) and book a couple of elocution lessons.

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165. What should I not do for mental peace?

  1. Don’t allow negative thoughts to control your emotions
    Be mindful. As soon as a negative thought enters your mind change it for a positive one and believe that good things will happen to you.

  2. Don’t allow negative information in your brain
    Stop listening to the news (they are mostly negative and you have no control over changing them); avoid negative people and do not listen to them; avoid negativity on social media.

  3. Don’t compare yourself with others
    Nowadays people are victims of clever marketing that makes them think they are not good enough unless they have a perfect face, a perfect body, perfect teeth, hair, etc. We have models like Kim Kardashian who helps big businesses to sell these fake ideals. Just know that you are unique and that is very precious and beautiful in itself.

  4. Don’t just dream, think, or hope
    Act and make things happen. Educate yourself constantly and work all your life.

  5. Don’t rush yourself
    If you rush too much you get stress instead of peace.

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164. Be in control and exude authority

Good barristers, politicians and business leaders sound confident, in control and have authority in their speech and voice. Can it be mastered? Yes, and I will explain how.

First of all, in order to achieve authority in your voice be in control of your breathing. Good breath control will bring energy to your voice.

Secondly, good articulation will help you sound clear, more energised and powerful. You can master it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 (British English) or ‎American Accent App (American English).‎

Thirdly, avoid sounding monotonous and saying everything on one level of pitch. Change the pitch, power and pace according to the emotion/meaning of a particular message. We can recommend the app 4Ps, Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you want to learn and practice this technique.

To achieve authority, speak in a straightforward way and stress the key messages. To make the keywords stand out use a louder or quieter voice (depending on the meaning). Raise the inflection when saying keywords and vice versa, use downward inflection with unstressed words. Learn more about inflecltion and sentence stress in the apps ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or Fluent American Speech (American English).

Finally, think about physicality and be well in control of your posture and gestures. Have a good straight posture and gestures that support your messages.

What is the best way to practice it? Listen to speakers like Winston Churchill. Watch courtroom dramas and note how effective barristers speak. Here is a practical exercise for you:

  1. Read a speech out loud and record yourself.

  2. Underline stresses keywords and mark pauses in the printed copy of the speech. You can learn how to do it right with the app Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

  3. Read the speech again and record yourself. If necessary repeat this exercise a few times.

If you need help book a few elocution lessons.

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163. Impact of modern technology on our ability to communicate in person

I believe that since the introduction of smartphones and messengers like Whats Up, Viber, and others people prefer to text and send images rather than speak.

It has both advantages and disadvantages. The obvious advantage is speed and convenience. The disadvantages are that people lose the art of communicating in person and do not know how to enjoy it. They lose their confidence when they have to communicate in person. These people are at a disadvantage in moving forward in their careers. Successful salespeople, CEOs, MDs, and top Politicians must have amazing in-person communication skills.

To master communication in person I recommend:

  1. Learning to speak clearly

  2. Learning to communicate not only thoughts but also emotions and feelings

  3. Learning to use non-verbal messages, such as eye contact, posture and hand gestures to support your verbal messages

Many students who take our elocution lessons often tell us that they want to become confident communicators. Feeling confident is expressed by your body language, voice and words.

I recommend apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause if you wnat to master your communication in person.

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161. Android Apps to master English speech

British English:

Elocution Lessons - Apps on Google Play
This app is ideal for children and people who just started learning English. This app has 48 lessons. It contains short, commonly used phrases, sentences and verses that are easy to repeat and it also has useful tips for teachers of English. It is actually useful for everyone as it contains essential, everyday English.

Get Rid of Your Accent - Apps on Google Play
This app is ideal if you want to get rid of a regional or foreign accent and to speak with Standard English or RP (Received Pronunciation). It has 42 lessons; it contains effective practical exercises to perfect all English sounds and perfect your articulation.

Fluent English Speech - Apps on Google Play
This app is a follow-up to the Get Rid of your Accent app.  It is ideal if you want to develop fluency in English and sound more like a native English speaker. It contains exercises for difficult and connected speech patterns, natural flow of speech, intonation, sentence stress and onomatopoeia. 

Business English Speech - Apps on Google Play
This app was designed for top-level professionals, diplomats and lawyers. It is the only app on the market that has both English pronunciation and business vocabulary training. It contains 43 lessons with material gathered from interviews with CEOs, CFOs and MDs of global companies and helps to develop proficiency in English.

Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause - Apps on Google Play
This app is ideal if you want to get rid of monotonous speech and become a successful presenter and public speaker. It contains practical exercises for voice modulation and the use of pauses.

Get Rid of Chinese Accent - Apps on Google Play
This app is the same as the app Get Rid of your Accent with an additional bonus - Chinese translations.

General American English:

American Accent App - Apps on Google Play
This app is ideal if you want to get rid of a foreign or regional accent and master Standard American accent. It has 42 lessons. It contains effective practical exercises to perfect all American English sounds.

Fluent American Speech - Apps on Google Play
This app is a follow-up to the American Accent App. It is ideal to develop fluency in your American English speech. It contains exercises for difficult and connected speech patterns, natural flow of speech, intonation and sentence stress

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160. How can I defend myself if I am being roasted?

Deal with people who challenge you immediately. You might have people around you who cross your boundaries and act in a disrespectful way towards you. Do not bend, stick to your values. Challenge them back by saying immediately (not after 5 minutes, an hour, a day, or a week): ”I feel you do not respect me and I am not prepared to continue this way.”
Express your feelings without judging others. When I was a child, I was too shy to do that and felt like a victim who could not stand for her corner. Thanks to my father I developed the gear to confront people who cross my boundaries immediately.

If you have the courage to confront the bully immediately you will kill two birds with one stone: protect yourself and help the bully to stop. Bullies when not stopped go into the rush and get high on the domination drug.

People are very different. Some people have higher energetic levels and strong leadership skills and they know how to manipulate others. There are people who allow others to control and manipulate them. Why? There are secondary benefits of acting this way: if you allow others to control and manipulate you, you are not responsible, you can blame others for what happened to you and do nothing. This is the reason why victims often choose to be victims - they can do nothing and just put all the blame on the abuser. Then they have the masochistic pleasure of feeling pain and feeling sorry for themselves. Ask yourself a question: What are my secondary benefits for me if I do not deal with people who roast me? It could be keeping the status quo. You need to go deeper and ask why you need to keep this status. Maybe this status allows you to not challenge yourself and go the extra mile to defend your boundaries. A few sessions with a life coach might help you to discover your secondary benefits.

I recommend working on your confidence. Develop a straight posture and open body language. Master your speech, namely voice projection and articulation. It will help you to have authority and power in your voice and you will be perceived as a confident person. You can do it with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

If you look and sound confident people will not attempt to roast you because bullies are looking for people who lack confidence and who cannot reply to them.

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159. 6 practical tools to develop confidence

I have studied this subject for a while, experimented, and observed myself and other people in different situations. I embodied them myself and that became a game changer for me.

I will share my findings about mastering self-confidence with you.

#1 Confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is an action
The more attempts and actions you made the more confident you will become at whatever you do. If you want to feel confident in public speaking deliver as many public speeches as possible to become confident at it. You can learn and then master public speaking with the apps ‎Get Rid of your Accent UK1 and ‎Fluent English Speech (British English) or ‎American Accent App and ‎Fluent American Speech (American English), and Power, Pitch, Pace, Pause.

#2 Be persistent
Confidence cannot be developed overnight. It is a process of learning and repetition. In order to build confidence in a particular area of your life take consistent  steps toward mastery regularly. Do not allow big time gaps. If you do something once a month you will not become confident doing it. If you persist, then you will eventually achieve success.

#3 Do not get discouraged by failures
A road to mastery is not possible without failures. Admit this fact and treat each failure as a valuable lesson.

#4 Develop your values and stick to them
A person who has values has a foundation to stand on. If people try to make you compromise your values acknowledge that and say “no” to them. Do not betray your values.

#5 Take decisions confidently
In order to take decisions confidently first check your values and make sure your decision does not contradict them; secondly weigh up the pros and cons of taking the decision and not taking the decision; last but not least check your intuition. A good decision is one that is confirmed by your intuition, mind and heart.

#6 Be brave and do not hesitate
Allowing fear and hesitation to control you is a dead end. Fear will not allow you to act. Instead, be brave and act.

If you follow these techniques, you will have confidence that is manifested in high self-worth and actions leading to others respecting you.

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